BaahumBUG!

Someone was pooped out while at the mall to see Santa. She did great but I think she is still too tiny to realize what's going on. Below is a picture I took with my camera while she was with Santa.

I am having a terrible time getting into the Christmas spirit. Maybe it's the missing tree in our house. We live in a town house which isn't super small but with all the added baby stuff there isn't any room for a tree.

It could also be that DH's job is still on the rocks. Looking worse then ever. My BIL that also works at the same company was laid off. He worked in the field though doing the actual labor. DH works in the office end of the company. He is so stressed and uneasy. He knows any day he could be let go. We aren't buying presents for hardly anyone since we want to save $. We've made deals with family members (our sisters) to not buy for the little ones who are too young to realize. I'm sending $ to my nieces and nephews up north and bought a few toys for my nephew who lives by us. The part I am happy about is that everyone is healthy and we can all be together! Which is what means most at this time of year!

On a brighter note! Lillian is growing like a weed! She is rolling over like crazy. She has been sleeping on her belly which I was so scared of the first few nights. But now I am ok! We still have the paci problem. I've been getting up 6+ times a night to put the damn thing back in her mouth. I honestly don't know what to do other then let her cry it out. I'm going to try to let her fuss/cry a little longer the next few nights and see how that works.

I am a little annoyed with the doctors at the office I go to. I just wish they were all on the same page. I took her in on Monday because she was stuffed up (I was sick all weekend) and I told him how last time I was there another doctor told me to add rice cereal to her bottles for her poopy. He said he'd rather me give it to her on a spoon. We tried it out yesterday. She did alright. Had a few spoon fulls. And then started to cry cause she was hungry and it wasn't getting her full. She pounds 6 oz right now like its going out of style. She goes 4 sometimes 3 hours in between bottles. At night she goes from 6pm till 7am with out eating so thats a plus! She only wakes for the paci like I said before. She is a chunky monkey.... 14lbs 6oz! Love it! She will be 4 months on the 28th. Time is flying!!

Being a sick mommy sucks!

I feel like crap. I felt it coming on yesterday. Itchy throat, runny nose. UGH. F.M.L right now. Poor DH has been on over time. He took care of Lillian all night so I could get a full nights sleep. I hate not being able to hold her. I really don't want her to catch it.

Speaking of my little princess. She has been a total PITA the last 3-4 days. Fussy as hell. Not sleeping well at night at all. I think she is teething. The amount of drool coming from her tiny mouth is crazy. She shoves her tiny little hands in her mouth any chance she gets. She is trying to flip over to her belly so hard but he shoulder always gets in the way!

Besides that life is good. I gotta run... I'll add some pictures later.

I just googled POOP!

No you didn't read that wrong. I just looked up on google baby poop pictures. I don't know if Lillian looks like it should. It's green and very very soft. We have been adding the rice cereal. It has helped. It went from watery to soft.
Is soft normal? I guess I should have paid more attention when changing all those diapers with my nieces and nephews!
So my dilemma is.... we are considering changing her formula because of it all. That and I feel like the Gentlease goes right through her. I am so effing SCARED to change formula. It's like playing with fire. I really hope she takes it well and isn't a fussy mess. We have some regular Enfamil so keep your fingers crossed. I figure if she hates it we'll know soon enough and just keep her with what she's on now. AHhhhh!
The sttn was short lived. Although I shouldn't complain. She gets up once a night now instead of 2. She's getting there!
Oh just an update on sister issue. We ended up not talking all weekend. Ended up at my parents house Sunday night and hashed it out on the back porch. She said I told her "You should take care of it." Insinuating abortion. I went off on her because I never even said that. I told her she should have been a little bit more responsible knowing what they had in front of them already. That doesn't mean abortion. I don't feel bad. The whole family was like OMG when she found out she was PG. She wasn't able to afford what she had, to me that isn't fair to the new baby. Whatever. It is what it is. I guess they are going to more counseling. Hopefully for her/kids sake it helps!

Drama, drama and more drama

Drama aka family!
So my sister just had her little girl. She is something like 2 months apart from Lillian. My sister doesn't make the best choices in life. She is married, to a uh... (trying to be nice here) guy who is not so nice. He is very negative, never lifts a finger to help out much. Anyways, long story short (ended up long haha) they have a 2 year old son and the new baby girl. They are having a hard time with money and their marriage. When their son was born my mom stopped working to take care of him. My mom always said when I had a baby she would do the same for us as she has done for them (as far as taking care of the baby). Well their 2 year old son was ready for preschool. He needs interaction with other children. And I just so happen to get pregnant. So it was going to be great. Mom could now do for us what she's been doing for them. That was this time last year when we found out I was pregnant.

STOP! Then we find out a few months later that now my sister is pregnant again. The whole family was like holy shit what is she going to do. They can't afford another child, their marriage is on the rocks. What was she thinking?! I said a few times man you should have been a little bit more responsible knowing whats going on in your life. Like wear a condom or use BC. Just because I was scared for her and what she was going to go through. She told me she'd be fine. Mom swore up and down that she was going to have to find child care for the new baby. Fast forward to last week. Sister says to me that mom offered to watch her little one too. REALLY cause mom has yet to give me the respect to say anything to me. My feelings were hurt. I pay my mom a small amount each week to watch Lillian. I KNOW my sister can't afford to pay her. So I'm pissed.

So last night my dad questions me about when I am going on spring break so him and mom can go out of town. Sister hears this and is like oh shit what am I going to do with my LO when that happens. So she starts questioning me about watching her LO on my spring break. I tell her I don't want to commit to anything. And I said something about how I was upset mom told her she'd watch her LO without letting me know first. She did NOT like that boy. Said she was going to shove my teeth down my throat (ok we're 27 and 30 years (shes older then me) old here, grow up). ANd then. then. I couldn't believe it says "Whatever, you wanted me to have an effing abortion anyways!" I was livid. NEVER ever ever would I say that to her or anyone. That is such a personal choice or decision. Why would I say that. I was effing pregnant at the time. Its just sick.

So she ended up storming out of the house and now won't talk to me. My other sister is in town for the weekend and this sister is saying she won't be in the same room as me. She is making up all kinds of shit trying to make me look like this mean bitch. I don't get it.

She is miserable with her marriage, has no $ and I think I am getting the brunt of it. Its just a mess. I am livid with the whole abortion comments and her telling my mom and other sisters that I said that. Never. I'm not being a softy on this one. I always usually call to make things better. No way!

On another note, if my husband tells me to eat less, move more he might get throat punched! Trying dang it. I walked 3 times this week. Alright this post is entirely tooo long! Good night!

Gross

That's how I feel about myself right now. Eww.Yuck.Disgusting.
I have to be more determined. I really really don't want to cough up the $ for Weight Watchers but I think its come down to that. I am one of those people who have to go stand on the scale once a week. Online is too easy to cheat!

I lost all the baby weight plus some right after delivery. But the eating like shit and not exercising has caught up to me. And I feel it BIG time. I never got stretch marks during pregnancy. Yeah, I was blessed with them afterwards on my inner thighs. Only a few but still, WTF?

I fit into like 3 pairs of pants, and the back fat. Oh the back fat kills me! I can't wear hardly any of the shirts I own because of it. Its like a hotdog bun tucked under my shirt right below my bra line. CUTE I tell ya! I feel sick just writing this!

Alright I am going to cry in a corner now!

3 Months today!

She sttn last night! Whooo hooo! I hope it's not a fluke. We were out pretty much all day yesterday so she took lots of cat naps. Not sure if it was that or if she is starting a trend.

And I pierced her ears. She was such a champ! She cries way worse for her shots. I think they look cute!

This is us goofing around! It was actually cold in Florida for a day! lol

Almost 3 months!

I can't believe on the 28th Lilly will be 3 months old! Time is flying! And she is changing so much. She loves a blanket up against her face to sleep (like in the picture above). She scoots over to the bumper on her crib to have it up against her face at night. She doesn't push her face up to it just has her cheeks up against it. We have started to deswaddle her. And so far she could careless. The first night we left one arm out and last night she had both arms out and we wrapped her bottom half. By the morning she had her legs out so tonight we're going to try some footed PJ's and thats it! Eeek! Hope I'm not up all night!

She is still not STTN. She goes one long stretch in the beginning and then every 4 hours after that. So its not bad at all. She has become a PITA with the paci in the middle of the night. Before it was only when she was first going down, and now its after her bottles (sometimes). I have to stop going in and replacing it. She needs to learn to go back to sleep with out it. Thats my goal during Thanksgiving break since deswaddling is going so well.

Here was her first Jumperoo experience. MIL has one at her house. She is still too small for it but she loved the lights and animals! Speaking of... I am returning the play mat we bought and have been using with her. She hates it. Last night at SIL's house she sat under their Rainforest mat for like 45 minutes taking to it. Ours within 5 minutes she is done!

That and the exerciser I have I am returning. I am possibly going to get this jumperoo since she LOVES lights!

Someone was a BAD GIRL! Chewed up one of Lillian's pacifiers and then laid by it to say "screw you!"

Well I am going to be better at taking more pictures! These are all I have so far for the month of Nov... yes I've been a slacker!

I am a broken record!

Never ever ever again will I suggest or give my opinion to another mom. N-E-V-E-R. I feel like I have to explain myself for EVERYTHING I effing do. Just sit there and be who you are. Grandma, grandpa, auntie, uncle. Whatever you are just be there and shut the hell up!

Just because you might put long sleeved/pant PJs on your baby does not mean every child must sleep that way. Just because you put your child to sleep with a blanket covering their face does not mean every child goes to sleep that way. Just because YOU are cold doesn't mean every child is cold. Just because one child does not like to be swaddled does not mean its bad or wrong for another to sleep that way. Just because one child flips over, crawls at 5 months, says words and does the hokie pokie does NOT MEAN EVERY BABY WILL! For Pete sake!!

I don't know how many times I have to explain myself and why I do the things I do with my child. But I do know I am pretty damn over it. Leave your opinions at the effing door. *** I think I might make that a sign*** Seriously. Love them all to death but I am tired. I know they mean well but I am tired. I know they were parents at one point too but I am tired. And I might just become a bitch. I'm done. And I don't know how to be nice about it.... any tips? :/

OK give it back!

My brain that is! WTF?!

I was in tears an hour ago because I can't find my keys. Had them before we went on a walk last night. Now they are MIA!
Went to Wendy's today, drove off before getting my change!
Left my memory stick plugged into the computer at work that has my lesson plans on it.
I need to s-l-o-w it down a bit.
Off to feed my princess her bottle! :)

YUCK!

I am lost in my hectic but wonderful life! I am so so behind on school crap, I am gaining weight back, I have yet to start walking again, I'm eating like shit, I am not loving my job, my students suck, I am annoyed with coworkers. That about sums it up!
I really need to get my act together with eating right and walking. I went to Publix tonight and got "healthy snacks" for work. I find myself wanting nothing but crap 24/7. I think its the stress causing that because while I was pregnant I wasn't even that bad! It gets dark so early now so by the time I get home with Lillian its pretty much dark and I am a big old chicken and won't go alone in the dark! :)
My job sucks. I have a classroom full of annoying ass boys. Boys who want to play all day long instead of learn. I got another one today. On a positive note my one wacko who's on meds is (we're pretty sure) out of district. He lied about his address to go to our school. So since him and his brother are such shit heads everyone is working over time to get them out! Sad but true! He is so effing smart. The kids writing is above average but he is such a punk. It's sad to me because every year I usually LOVE my students. This year, not so much. I like 2 boys and maybe one of my girls. The rest are annoying. They are so mean to each other, they tattle all day long, they walk around the room like they can do whatever they want, its annoying! This year is just sad. I can't stand going to stupid meeting after stupid meeting. Making RW & WW calendars after we did it all last year, oh but wait we have to meet the students needs. HELLO, they are all LOW so whatever we do they will benefit from! It's never ending bullshit. Everyone there has an attitude, their all on edge ready to blow at any second. One teacher ate shit in the cafe breaking a finger only to have 2 days later almost knock herself out on a file cabinet drawer... she gets 10 days off from workers comp! Nice... maybe I should run into a pole and knock myself out! I am such a loser this year. Don't have 99% of the stuff done that I should. Funny part is, I don't care! Lillian comes first now. I do what I can there and leave.
Speaking of Lillian... she is freaking adorable. I am bias yes I know! This morning I woke up and checked on her via the video monitor and there she was with this ear to ear smile staring at the camera! It was hilarious! She wasn't crying but just smiling and cooing. LOVE it! She is pretty much on a night time schedule now. She eats and goes down between 7:30- 8:00 and sleeps till 1 0r 2. Then she gets up again around 5-6 again. I have no idea if she is on a day time schedule since she is with my mom. My mom says she does great during the day at her house. So nice having her there!
My sister had her little one. Emily Grace was 8lbs 2oz and 3 weeks early. She had PreE so the doctor was worried. So far she is doing good. She spits up a lot more then Lillian did. They might have to start adding cereal to her BM or formula. But Lillian has a cousin that's 2 months younger then her now. They are going to have so much fun together!!
Alright I am off to do report cards. YUCK! :(

So much to read yet so little time!

I have so much catching up to do its not even funny. I have NO idea what is going on in my E friends lives. So sad! :(

Lillian is doing awesome! Here is her 2 month picture. Hopefully I get an hour this weekend to do some reading.

2 Months Old & Holy Schmoly!

I can't believe Lilly is 2 months old today! She has changed so much! She smiles and laughs. And gets really upset with a puckered lip and all! I love seeing her smile in the mornings. She is so happy in the morning... and it kinda makes up for waking us up in the middle of the night still! I still CAN NOT WAIT for her to STTN. I know it'll happen when she's ready. I will add a picture once I take it. Till then a pumpkin patch picture will do!

And holy schmoly to my last post! Can we say PMS! AF is right around the corner and I'm feeling it! Totally moody and having a headache right now.

Time?! What's that?

Because I don't have any.
Moving on to what is pissing me off at this current moment. Right now, I dislike my husband. Seriously can't wait till this weekend is over. Although I am sure this won't be the last of it. Guess where he is, doing what he said he wouldn't be doing. Yeah thats right, helping his sister move into their new place. His exact words, ohh about a month ago... "I am NOT helping them move, where are all their so called friends?! They can help them!" " (BIL's name) got this tiny trailer to move ALL their stuff instead of getting a UHAUL like most people do and get it done in one shot! How stupid!" Yeah looks who's loading that small stupid trailer as I type. Fuckin idiot! He hates when I call him out and you know I did. I couldn't keep it to myself. Don't talk shit you can't back up! Or follow through with! I guess the main reason I'm so annoyed and pissed is because he specifically told me to bring school stuff home (which I could be doing right now) and that he would watch Lilly.
So I lug this big ass bag of shit home to have him up and leave at the drop of a dime when mommy calls and gives him some kinda "moving" news. He had no plans on going over there till about 20 minutes ago. Lilly is sleeping in her swing so I plan on doing some lessons but its just the point. Its almost like he is looking for a reason to get out. And its not like he is locked up in the house. HE was the one who got to go out this weekend. NOT me! He went to some bar to watch the MMA fights with his buds while I again sat here doing lesson plans, running up and down the stairs every time someone decided she wasn't going to bed!! So he can kiss my ass!
Alright enough about that!! My baby will be 2 months tomorrow! WHOA! Where has time gone? She is changing so much. Her vision is great. She scans my face instead of having a blank stare. She is smiling and cooing and sometime laughing! LOVE it! I am thinking about piercing her ears but not sure when is a good time. She gets shots next Monday so I might ask the Pedi.

tired.stressed.happy.ready

Holy tired. I was in bed by 8pm last night. I brought home some school stuff to do and it never made it out of the bag! After getting Lillian ready for bed, I too was ready for bed! She ended up being fussy and Kevin was at his game so I brought her in bed with me for a few hours! Whatever it takes to get an hour of shut eye!
Stressed. I feel so torn because I am being such a slacker teacher. I am trying to play catch up from the crap I missed out on doing in the beginning of the year. I posted my schedule but A LOT has since changed. So I had to do almost everything over again. I have begged for lesson plans from my coworkers just to get through this week. I am going to have a ton to do over the weekend. Before I'd stay till 5pm and now I am out of there at 3 so I can go get Lillian from my moms house. And by the time I get back to my room its 2:20 which doesn't leave much time to plan, or get materials ready. I've been on the phone all week with parents about their animals... I mean kids. They were off the wall but are getting much better! They are sad the sub isn't there anymore so they can have a free for all! Poor babies! lol
Happy! I am sooo happy seeing Lilly smile and cooing. She has changed so much the last few weeks. Being away from her during the day I can really now see her changing. Before I was with her 24/7 I never noticed her growing but she sure is! She will be 2 months on Wednesday! WHOA!
Ready. I am SOOOOO ready for the weekend. Even though I'll be cleaning this messy ass house and doing school stuff! Booo! Maybe we might go out one night for dinner or something low key! Lots of sleeping while Lillian is too!
Ahhhh it 9:48pm and I still have to shower, get my stuff ready for tomorrow and get Lilly's stuff ready for my mom! TGIF.. well almost! :)

Smiles

"where's my paci?"
I love how I am seeing Lillian make little changes. She is smiling and cooing and just being a great little girl! It amazes me how fast they change. And kinda makes me sad too. Sad because I go back to work on Monday and I am going to miss all those little changes! :( I need to get over it and stop harping on it. It is what it is and there is no changing it! My first born niece started calling my mom Rara when she was little and it stuck. I am so lucky to have Rara watching Lilly. It will make my life so much easier. We are paying her a small amount each week. She quit her job to take care of my nephew and she needs a little spending money each week. Spending money which 90% of the time is spent on the kids! Kevin will be dropping her off every morning and I'll be picking her up. In my contract at school I have to stay there till 3pm... I'll be outta there by 2:59!! haha!



Kevin is an awesome dad! Sometimes he has a short fuse when Lillian is crying. Not sure why but he has it in his head that "sometimes babies just cry!" yeah okay well being a MOM I am going to do whatever it takes to figure it out before calling it quits! The other night he took his turn to feed her... it was like 3am. He put her back down and she wasn't having it. She started crying, he tried 3-4 times to soothe her. Nothing was working. By then I woke up and asked what was going on. He told me he tried everything and he was "D-O-N-E.DONE!" Whoa. Ok there! All she wanted was her paci AGAIN!



Speaking of that damn paci! I Hate it. She is right now in her crib chasing it around. She arches her back, has her mouth wide open and tries rolling over to get it back in her mouth! She LOVES it but she sleeps with her mouth open and as soon as its out she is a screaming mess! Unless she is super tired and in a deep sleep. UGH!



My sister is having her little girl November 11th. My SIL has a 4month old little girl. SO many babies!! SIL is still in the process of getting her house together. It looks so nice! Kevin is done doing the floors there. Thank GOODness! I look forward to our weekends together!



Many of you know the situation with my sister who has been TTC forever. I haven't heard anything else about adoption. I know she needs more $ so until that comes around I don't think anything will be going on. It sucks so bad. My heart is broken for her! She is holding up though. She is SO freaking strong!!



Alright... I'm off to replace the paci which has fallen out AGAIN!! AHHH! lol

Hair Salons

There is me... I got my hair done. Cut and colored. It was so nice! I feel human again. Now if the pregnancy mask would go away. This picture shows it pretty well. My skin use to be even. My forehead and cheeks are the worst. YUCK! Why is it that after going to get your hair done it smells & feels so good?! No matter how much $$ I spend on products it NEVER is like that after I do it at home!!

Also I find it funny how women will tell their hair dresser just about anything. I heard the funniest stuff today while sitting in the chair!

Here is Lillian having tummy time... so much for that idea! She passed right out! She is getting so squeezable!! I love it!

no more puppies and rainbows

Here it goes...

Yes, I lost my pregnancy weight (20lbs) fairly fast. BUT I was fat to begin with. I was about 120lbs when I met DH ( I was 17) ... and I was 160 when I got my BFP. How the eff does that happen? Being happy in love, not watching what I am putting in my mouth, not exercising. It comes on fast. So when I had Lillian and breastfed for that week or so it the pregnancy weight fell off. I was at one point down to 155... yeah well I am eating again and its coming back on again. I haven't weighed myself in a few weeks but I can feel it! I go to my PP appointment and hope I get the ok to do things again. I am not looking forward to exercise again. And honestly have NO IDEA how I am going to fit it in now with a baby. But I have to.

My lady bits. I hyperventilated when I first got home from the hospital. Thought I was scared for life. What the fuck is that huge ass bump down there? I thought it was a hemmy but nope it was adema... swelling from the tear. Would it ever go back to normal? Would I ever let DH anywhere down there again? So far its shaping up nicely. I still get twinges of pain once in a while but not like before.

My back hurts like HELL. All the bending wrong while feeding her. Bending over to put her in her crib. Leaning over to change her diaper. In and out of the car with the car seat. I feel like I am 90 years old! I have a gift card for a message and I am going to use it. It's bad.

Things I hate about people. People who are so self consumed and can't look passed their own lives to what is happening in someone else's. People who have EVERYTHING they could ever ask for yet aren't satisfied with it. People who know you DO NOT want something to happen (your child's hair to fall out) yet comment about how its "thinning out" every time they see her. People who lie... your child does NOT sleep that well, he is 3 weeks old for goodness sake! People who judge others for feeling a certain way. People who have kids and don't take care of them or want them.

Thing I love about people. People who are dealt the shitty end of the stick but yet see positive end in it. People who give up their own time so that someone else can take an hour to themselves. People who are fair.

"Being a mom is the toughest job in the world" I remember hearing that and thinking "yada, yada, who wouldn't want to sit home all day and watch T.V. and take care of a kid!" HOLY shit were they right!! Its an effing non-stop on the go, life changing experience. Up all night, up all day! Making bottle after bottle. Burping, burping, changing, wiping, bathing, burping some more, another diaper change.... it NEVER stops!! Damn was I naive! "Oh it'll get easier" Really it will. WHEN?! lol

Family is the BEST! Who ever knew that I'd need them so much?! I thought I could move across the country and be just fine with out them. Once again wrong! My mom has been the BIGGEST help in the world. She has taken Lillian to spend the night there so that DH and I could get one full nights sleep. My sister Michelle was in town too so she helped out. She offers to take Lilly so I can come home and clean this pig pen of a house. No way could I have done it without her.

My husband. Ohh how I love him to pieces. Not always though! haha. He is great with Lillian but sometimes, not gonna lie. I want to pinch his head off! We are a lot a like when it comes to sleep... we need lots of it or else we get moody as hell. He tends to be an ass for a few minutes when over tired and then says sorry in time for me to forgive him. Just an example. He spends all day Saturday at his sister house putting in her wood flooring. Comes home. I need a break. Lillian isn't in the best of moods. She is screaming. He makes her a bottle. I simply ask "Are you going to bring her down here to feed her?" His response "Why the F would I do that?" huh.really? I give him a few minutes upstairs to think about the words that just flew off his tongue. Go upstairs and ask "What the hell did I do?" His response "Nothing. I'm sorry. I am just tired." Yeah OK Mr.Shitflysouttamymouthass!

Alright my novel is done... for now at least!

5 Weeks Old

More pictures MOM??!

Lillian is doing great. She is eating like a little piggy. A few times she has eaten 5oz but I think she may be going through a little growth spurt. She was really fussy a few nights in a row and wouldn't go back down after her feedings. Last night she was great. Ate at 11:30, 5:30 and then again at 8:30. So I hope that is a trend... I'm not holding my breath! lol

Still loves to be swaddled and during her late nap she will put herself to sleep. I lay her down she looks around for a while and before I know it she is out... hope that continues too!! I really am lucky because she has been an awesome baby!

I know most of you already know the story about my sisters so I'll keep it short. My sister E is trying to be a surrogate for my sister M... we find out Wednesday if E is PG! Please say a BIG prayer that it happens! Here are a few more pictures of Lillian. I have become picture crazy recently!!

She is starting to love bath time! This is such an awful picture of me... but you can kinda see the brown blotches on my face. Damn pregnancy mask! I go to the dermatologist on Monday so hopefully something works to make it go away!

Such a BAD girl already! Giving me the bird!! I didn't realize she did that till after I uploaded the pictures! I think its hilarious!

One Month Old & Dear IL's

Where does time go?!! I can't believe its been a month since she was born!! She is still doing really well. I love how she is starting to focus on faces and sometimes smiles when people talk to her. Specifically my mom who we call RaRa. The first grandchild couldn't say grandma and instead started RaRa and it stuck! RaRa always gets smiles out of Lilly!
My dear IL's! Oh I really honestly do love them to death. They are the sweetest most giving people in the world. But I will be honest. I am kinda anal when it comes to Lillian. Like for example... when I let MIL give her a bath. I think I'll go walk the dogs and not hoover over her while she is doing it. I don't want to come off as the crazy DIL. But WHY does she feel the need to change things up? Change things like combing over her hair over to the side??!! I've NEVER combed her hair like that. So why oh why take it upon yourself and start doing that?! For all I know she probably asked DH if she could and he said sure. But heaven forbid I speak about it with him. He might get his undies in a bunch!!
And then, ok its bedtime... can we please not speak in a high pitched voice? Does the lights dimmed low and TV turned practically all the way down not give you some kinda hint at what we are aiming for? Ok I need to stop writing as if I am talking to her. In fact I need to get over it all. Next time I'll make sure I don't leave her side while she is doing anything with Lillian. Its killing me to not ask DH if she asked him if it was okay... but I am letting it go! AHHHHHH :/ LMAO!!
Oh and Kevin... if you happen to be stalking my blog. Please don't let your mom do shit that we don't normally do. You know I love her but come on!!

What a difference a day makes!

So yesterday was so different then the previous days. I feel like Lillian is starting on a routine all on her own. She often times wakes up between 8-9am where I feed her and then let her chill out on top of her changing table while I run around brushing my teeth, putting my eyes in (contacts) and getting dressed. I know I won't be doing this for long since I am terrified she'll roll off. I might have to just move her to the floor now. After a while she starts to fuss which usually means two things. Either she has a dirty diaper or she is getting tired. I try to get her to nap in her swing or bouncy seat but she isn't a big fan of them. So 99% of the time she'll fall asleep on me and then I **try** to move her to the bouncy seat. Which 99% of the time results in her waking up and me picking her up to soothe her. We have thrown in the pacifier towel and use it when needed. Sometimes if she isn't really really sleepy she freaks out when it falls out. But if she is super tired she could careless. So both yesterday and today she has taken a pretty long afternoon nap. Yesterday it was 1:15ish till about 4:15 where I kinda woke her up because I had to leave my parents house where we were. Today she napped from 1:00ish to about 4:00ish. So I found it funny that she napped around the same time both days. Last night she was fussy going down for the first time. We tried putting her down at 10:30 but she didn't fall asleep till about midnight. BUT she slept till 4:45 which was a pretty long stretch in between feedings. She ate at 10:00. So.... I am super curious how tonight will go. We gave her a bath and DH is finishing up feeding/burping her right now. Its 9:30. So we will see! I know its not good to do bath time every night due to the fact it could dry out their skin, but she sleeps really well the nights we do it. So I might just start doing it with out the soap nightly. And do soap every other or 3rd night.
So her yeast seemed to clear up a bit today... but we went ahead and bought the $100 Rx that the pedi called in for us. I hope that really knocks it out! Its worth the $$ if it helps her.
My sister is 34 weeks PG and we are throwing a shower for her this weekend. This is baby number two for her so its a tiny shower with just close friends and family. It'll be nice to be around other adults for a few hours!

yuck.work.yuck

This is where Lillian fell asleep today while i was wrapping her up... and since she was so content i left her there!! She has been a sleep fighter the last few days. And seems very hard to please. Well of course unless she is in my arms. But i can't go pee or wash bottles while holding her!
Last night was a nightmare! She hardly napped at all yesterday and it made for one over tired lady = screaming for no reason other then being tired. Nothing seemed to comfort her. We tried it all and even broke down and gave her a pacifier... yeah she spit it right out. So she cried. It sucked so bad. She eventually passed out. Hoping we don't have that again tonight.

On another note...I go back to work on October 21st. YUCK! So not looking forward to it at all. I hear from everyone at work is how horrible things are there. We have a new Chief Academic Advisor in our district who is trying to change all sorts of things. They are doing walk throughs in our rooms to make sure those things are being done. The first one for our school just happens to be October 22nd... lucky ME! I'm going to ask my principal if they can skip my room. So not fair if they come in and expect to see certain things.

3 weeks old today

Can't really believe its been 3 weeks already! Time is really flying. I am starting to get anxious about going back to work. NOT looking forward to it at all. I only get 5-6 weeks of short term disability which I think is up the middle of October and then I have like 8 or 9 sick days I can use. So it looks like the end of October I'll be going back. It makes it easier to know my mom is taking care of her. She watched her today for me while I came home and cleaned the house. OMG... I had a puppy living behind my couch. SO much effing dog hair since it hasn't been done really well in about a month! So that was nice. Lillian does great at my parents house. I sware the child likes her swing and bouncy seat (hand me downs) more then the ones we have here at home. My mom says Lillian just likes her house better!! lol Anyways back to the work subject. I think the hardest part is going to be juggling it all. Lesson plans, Lillian, cleaning, its all going to be A LOT! But I guess it'll just take time to get use to like everything else.
SLEEP or lack there of is going to be tough too. Lillian is doing great still. Last night we put her down at like 9:30ish. She was up at 1 and then again at 5. She had a poopy diaper that woke her up at 8 after that. But often times she sleeps in longer. The hardest time is getting her down for the first time. She's fussy a bunch and kicks her legs. We swaddle her in the miracle blanket but it doesn't hold her legs in tight enough. She has no problem falling asleep in my arms. I put her down and she's fine for about 15minutes. But then soon after the legs start going, she starts fussing and before we know it she's full force screaming. Like right now. DH just went up to rock her a bit. I think she is fighting going to sleep. Op now he is done and she is out.... for now! lol
This rash/yeast whatever it is seems to have not gone away yet. I was bad and still used the Pamper diapers. But we're going to stop and use huggies to see if that really is making her flare up.
DH and I have date night tomorrow night. We're going to see Jim Brewer at the Comedy Corner. MIL is watching Lillian. LOVE MIL to death but I am very anal about how she is taken care of... but I'll save that for another post! haha!

Falling into our new life together!

Things are finally starting to fall into place. By no means is it a piece of cake. I am not sure if its getting easier or if I am just getting use to it all. Lillian is doing great. She eats every 3 hours during the day and then has gone 4 hours at night. I bought that book called Secrets of the Baby Whisperer and have been trying the EASY method. E-eat, A-activity, S-sleep, Y- you time. I really like it. She has a hard time with the Activity part and gets tired quickly during certain parts of the day. So I usually don't mess with her and let her sleep. Like right now she has been sleeping for over an hour and is due to eat in about 30 minutes. We broke down and borrowed my sisters sound machine. Which she LOVES. The noise and her being swaddled = one happy little lady! DH was SO against the sound machine. He thought my nephew couldn't sleep with out it. But we have had it for 3 nights now so apparently he can. We ordered one and it should hopefully be here by Friday! At this point DH thinks whatever it takes for her to sleep. He does not care! lol

Houston we have NIPPLES! We found the nipples she loves online. DH ordered 7 of them. They arrived today. Thank goodness! They are still the slow flow kind. Should I be worried she is still needing slow flow? We tried the next one up and she was gagging and spitting it all over the place. Now we need a few more Medela bottles and we will be good to go!

She still has a tiny rash. I called the doctor and explained it to them. My sister with the 4 kids said it might be yeast. The nurse at the pedi office agreed and gave us a script. I bought huggies and also bought the Lansinoh wipes. The brand that makes the cream we used on our boobs for BF. The wipes are very soothing my sister said. They must be popular b/c there was only one pack left at Target. So if you are having issues with you LO and wipes try those. Kinda pricey but whatever it takes for her to be okay!
She is changing so much. Its freaking me out! :) Ohhh I am so excited. I can wear my wedding rings again! Not sure why but I hated not having them on! Yay!

Possibly ADHD

I think I might be ADHD. Does it make me a bad mom that I am not looking forward to a week on the couch again? Eating, peeing, pooping and sleeping. Love Lilly to pieces but I need her to start talking! lol Totally kidding!
In all honesty I need to make a point to get out this week and try to keep myself busy. Tomorrow my mom is coming over. I have a doctors appointment in the morning because I think I might have a UTI. I have this annoying pain around my pee area. Not sure whats going on. Then I am picking up my dad from the airport. As for the rest of the week... I dunno. But my butt hurts from sitting here. And I think I might go crazy if I keep sitting here on my arse! Ok done bitching and complaining!

2 weeks old & PP hormones are a bitch!

Honestly this is the first picture of us since the hospital. I am always the one holding the camera!! Thanks to this picture I offically need new foundation!

We don't have bows but we have a fohawk! lol I pray everyday her hair doesn't fall out!

She is doing amazingly great! She is sleeping at least 3-4 hours at a time at night. We're trying to keep her up after eating during the day but she has been surprising us and doing it on her own.

DH and I are going out to eat tonight while my sister stays here with Lilly. Thank God for family! Just to get out might make me feel a little better. Speaking of bitch ass hormones! Not that I've been feeling HORRIBLE just a little sad once in a while. Its hard to go from living one simple routine day in and day out to a whole totally different routine and schedule. I've been missing going to bed with DH and laying in bed watching T.V. (how stupid I know), missing just getting up and going, a full nights sleep (which i know i'll be waiting a while on). Nothing really important just things I was so use to doing. Having time for just us. It was always a fear of mine that once Lillian came that DH and I would forget about "us" since we have been so focused of providing the needs of our new little sweetie. He says it will soon get easier and we will be able to do all those stupid little things we use to do. He says he feels the same way but reassures me it will get easier with time. It makes me feel better to know that he too wants to not forget about "us". I know that what I am feeling is normal from talking to others. Thanks Bee for making me feel like I am not crazy and that it is normal and will get better!! I am so grateful for all you girls! :)

Went to the doctor today. Lillian has gained 1lb since the last visit. So she is at 8lbs 3oz. Doing great! Just some pictures!!

amazing

first off please excuse the one handed no caps typing! :)
i am amazed at a number of things...
#1- i never thought that having a child would make me fall in love all over again with my husband. but it definietly has! he has been so loving, understanding and supportive. i tear up everytime i think about it. words cant explain it at all.
#2- so much can change in a short few days. i feel like the first few days home all that was going on was us trying to figure out what lillian needed or wanted. but we are learning more and more each day about one another and its getting easier.
#3- i went into this thinking i would give breastfeeding a shot and if it went well then awesome if not i wasnt going to kill myself over it. well it went ok the first few days and then got worse and worse. being so engorged ruined it. i tried pumping every 2 hours... it was sooo draining. i felt like my body was going to shut down. so after crying it out for 2 days i decided that breastfeeding was taking a toll on me and i wasnt able to enjoy my new best friend here! so i am done. we mixed all the bm with formula the last few days. and honestly she's been an angel ever since.
#4- thank God for family. even though my sister probably wants to pull her hair out from all my phone calls!! they have been SOOOOOOO helpful. my mom stayed here the first 4 nights and i couldnt have done it without her. not only that but she would make my dad cook and bring it over. ribs & steak... she dosent mess around! MIL is also very helpful. she cooks great and plans on doing lots of babysitting in the future!
#5- lillian, last but not least. she is changing already and i am terrified of her getting big! lol she is such a snuggle bug and loves to be wrapped up like a burrito! mommys favorite food! it amazes me that we made her and she was kicking the crap out of my ribs just 10 days ago! its crazy! lol
life is great and i truely feel so blessed!

1 Week old and PP belly pic

Birth story

So I was bad and didn't take notes so the times may be off a little bit. I woke up bright and early at like 4:30am and took a shower. I started totally having contractions before we left the house and was just realizing what contractions felt like! lol. It was like I was having menstural cramps. So we got to the hospital at 6am. Thinking back now we walked in there like nothing... oh boy what we were in store for!
I got there the nurses told me to change and empty my bladder. Then they came in and asked a bunch of questions and took vitals. The nurse checked me and OMG I thought I was going to jump out of the bed. She was digging for gold! And it was just HER because the next nurse on shift and the doctor's internals were nothing like that! So she checked me and I was already progressing on my own and was 4-5 cm. So they started the potocin at 7am. The contractions picked up right away. But were tolerable. Not for long! By like 9:30 they were HORRIBLE! I mean I thought I was going to rip my hair out! I asked the nurse about the epi and she said it was up to me when I wanted it... and thank GOD I asked for it when I did. So by 10:30ish I was getting the epi and started feeling better. The epi was cake. It felt like a bee sting. So by now I was 7-8cm. I think they backed off on the pitocin since my progress was going so fast. After the epi and relaxing I seemed to have stalled at 8cm for a good while. It was at like 3:00 when I started feeling pressure. The nurse suggested flipping me to one side and back and forth. She said I could do that for a while to get her head down and push 3-4 times or don't and end up having to push for 3 hours. LISTEN to your nurse! Thats all I have to say! lol
So I flipped a few times and flipped. I started getting lots of pressure and the urge to push. This was at like 4:00ish. The nurse came in and we did a few practice pushes. And never really stopped! Oh boy I wish I would have just kept flipping. I ended up pushing till she came at 6:20. So it was like 2 hours or something. Looking back I was a mess! Everyone was saying how great I was doing and she was "right there" I remember at one point being like "OMG you've been saying that for an hour now!" lol The only thing I remember being painful was the burn towards the very end. I ended up with a 2nd degree tear. That never really bothered me... the hemi's on the other hand. UGH! I'll leave it at that!
She came flying out and thank goodness because I don't think I could have pushed anymore! It was a lot of work but so worth it. She came out really fast with a huge gush of water. They threw her on my chest and I remember saying "OMG you are so worth the burn!" everyone was laughing! It was an experience! lol DH was there for those that know he wasn't sure if he could do it. He stayed behind me and was great. SO glad he did!
He has been amazing and I love him so much more seeing what an amazing father he is! Makes me realize why I fell in love with him in the first place!!
Anyways, I am feeling great overall. Really tired. The first few days I couldn't sleep at all when I got home but last night was much better. Hormones can do some crazy crap! Lillian is doing great. She is eating much better now. She had slight jaundice and we have been putting her in the sun. I started breastfeeding and they became SO engorged that she won't latch on. SO I am pumping like crazy. Supply isn't an issue at this point. I've been getting 1-1.5oz from each side. So we are just seeing how it goes!

Lillian is here!

Lillian Paige born August 28, 2009 at 6:20pm. She weighed 7lbs 13oz, 20inches long. Things are coming together! No time for a birth story yet but enjoy the pictures!

Last Belly Pic... OMG!

Its amazing how time flies and your belly GROWS! haha! Up there is me at 7 weeks... and down here is me today at almost 39 weeks! Whoa!

It looks much bigger when its not covered up!

So tomorrow is the BIG day! It still hasn't hit me yet. I am not one to get overly excited very easily. I just kinda go with it. I am super anxious to see her. I pray she is healthy! That is my first priority. I am curious if she will have lots of hair, will she look like me or more like DH. DH has super long eye lashes... I'd love for her to have those! I wonder what kind of baby she is... and pray she is like me and laid back! haha!

It is so surreal to me that this time tomorrow she will **hopefully** be out and in my arms. I still can't believe it!! DH is taking me to dinner at Cheesecake Factory for our last date night probably for a while! I am so excited that he decided to "try his best" so he says to be in the room for the delivery! He had me laughing again last night while packing the bag. I asked what clothes he wanted and he said "Why I'm not staying at the hospital!" I said "Bullshit, you're not leaving me there by myself!!" He was totally kidding but I wasn't!

We were in bed and I asked him, now that the pregnancy is almost over was it as bad as he expected. He said not at all. I was bitchy a few days when I went back to work but besides that I was good, and he was proud of me! He's so sweet! He was terrified of what pregnancy would do to me and my mood. I think he needs to be more concerned about PP now! haha!

Okay well the next update with be pics and a birth story! I hope to get it up as soon as possible so I don't leave out any details!

Thanks so MUCH for all the well wishes! You girls are the best!!

Awesome Gift & Baby News!

A handmade bassinet!! I was in shock. Okay so this is a kinda strange situation. My ex from high school... his uncle now works with DH. This uncle knew I was a good kid back then and knew his nephew effed up when he cheated on me and broke my tiny heart! haha! So when he started working with DH, DH told him about how he was now married to me. They ended up working closely together and this uncle loves my DH. So yesterday he asked DH if he could bring something over that he made for us & Lillian. I was totally taken back when I saw it! It matches the furniture in her room. DH had no idea either! We are so blessed to have such awesome people in our lives. I just think its funny how life works! Never thought this ex's uncle would be involved in our child's life!

On another note... baby news! So yeah. I'll be meeting my little lady on Friday August 28th! I am feeling every kind of emotion you can think of! I am NOT putting this out there on the boards b/c I know so many people have different feelings on induction. And honestly I don't want to hear them! I went to the doctor yesterday and the doctor I saw is the type that will tell you how it is. Even if you don't want to hear it! And she said I'd be fine to go ahead with it. So that made me feel better. A few of the other doctors are really relaxed but not this one. She is very cautious and I felt if she was on the fence about it then I would need to think twice about it. But she said baby and I would do fine. She said since I've made so much progress at this point it should go fast (fingers crossed) and I'd meet her that same day! I can't financially not be paid for a month. So being that I am on maternity leave already, the doctor said Lillian will be fine, I decided to go ahead with it. I've told some of you already and I REALLY appreciate you being so understanding! It means a lot! :)

So I will soon meet Lillian and be able to hold her in my arms! I am thrilled and nervous all at the same time!!

Before & After Pics of my feet

The first pic is what my feet looked like after work on Thursday. The 2nd one is what they look like today. That is evidence that PG women should NOT have to work!! LOL wishful thinking huh?!

No more work for me!

I decided to go on maternity leave early and not risk getting sick. And to be honest I am okay even if I don't get paid for 2 weeks. My principal was great about it and said for me to look at this time as a reason to pamper myself before baby comes. She is right! She technically can't say if I have to stay or go but was really supportive of my choice. I asked some of my close teacher friends if I was over reacting and they all agreed its better to be safe then sorry.

I guess my little friends are already giving the sub crap! She lets it happen so I can't expect any different. One little guy took it upon himself to move his seat today. He is such a pistil!! I know I am going to have my work cut out for me once I go back. But in the last few days I've seen they CAN do the right thing!

I can't wait to go to my appointment on Monday and find out if I've made anymore progress. The swelling in my feet has gone down. I think I over did it yesterday at work and not drinking enough water. Now I just sit and wait for her little face to show up!

37w 3d, H1N1, possibly Pre-e

Getting big!! I am hoping I am not having signs of pre-e but rather just having end of pregnancy symptoms! Feet & hands are swollen as heck, I've gained 4-5 lbs in a week, slightly high BP. I haven't been to the doctor in a week. I was suppose to go in tomorrow but that leads into the H1N1 situation.
A kid in my grade level has a confirmed case of H1N1. I found this out this morning after being called in the principals office. So I was sent to urgent care. I thought they would swab my nose to test me for influenza A but nope they gave me a script for Tamiflu and sent me on my way. SO the OB's office won't let me come in till Monday now! I understand they don't want anyone else infected if in case I do end up with it. I think if my BP was up a lot higher they'd want me to go to the hospital or the urgent care again.
Besides that things are going... she is moving around like crazy. I feel her really LOW in my booty and crotch! ITs fun teaching and having a stabbing feeling down there! OUCH! I am so stressed out about leaving a sub in my room for that long! I am also having a hard time planning stuff for her... I am doing 2 weeks worth and thats it. She probably won't even do half the stuff I leave so its hard to plan too much!!

Can't wait to meet Lillian and hold her in my arms!!

Going back to school SUCKS!

OMG. I sat in meetings from 8am-3:30pm and didn't gain an ounce of knowledge! So annoying. Thank goodness I stole a comfortable chair from the office. That and trying to figure out maternity leave, short term disability, and using sick/personal days once I go out is INSANE! The girl who takes care of my benefits isn't the sharpest tool in the box.
Benefits girl: When is the last day you are working?
Me: Good question, I am working up till the day I have her.
Benefits girl: Well, when is that?
Me: (thinking to myself) I left my effing magic 8 ball at home. douche! I dunno the day before she shows up.
Benefits girl: Oh well I'll just send in the paperwork with out a date.
Me: Um, okay.
I still have no effing idea how it all works. I've heard so many horrible stories of women not being paid, but their sick days are gone. yada yada.
Venting done! :)

36w belly pic & progress

Lillian's Halloween outfit! I couldn't pass it up for $10!

I was so hot from walking the dogs. I look like a mess!

Someone seems to be in a hurry... and its NOT me ::whispers Lillian:: lol

It all started over the weekend. I noticed (possible TMI warning) a think brownish colored mucus on my panty liner. Then Sunday a lot more of the same stuff in the toilet. So I assumed I was loosing my MP. Which means nothing really.
So today I went into my appointment again thinking ahh I'm probably the same ol' 1cm and 30% effaced. I told the doctor how I think I lost my MP and she seemed surprised. So she checked my belly, listened for the heartbeat. Everything was fine. Then she checked me and seemed even more surprised to realize that Nope, I am 3cm, 50% effaced and -1 station. I knew I dropped b/c I could actually eat more then 2 bites again! I was really taken back and made the doc repeat herself! She told me its really rare for a 1st time pregnancy and said "You are like a machine!" She asked if I noticed any contractions. But I honestly haven't noticed anything major. So she mentioned something about how I'd be perfect for induction at 38 weeks. And that we would just see how things pan out. I was at a loss of words. I didn't ask one single question I planned on! Ah well!

So my plan at this point is to take it week by week. The only plus about being inducded would be for my job. I would be able to pin point when I'd be out and when my sub can take over. That and not having my water break in front of 18 kids ages 6-7! "Whats that Mrs.A?" lol

Guess time will tell!! :)

Week 35 Pics, Survey & Doc Appointment

How far along? 35w
Total weight gain: 15lbs
Maternity clothes? Yes, and running low on them
Stretch marks? A few new ones on my hips
Sleep: Not too bad. Lots of tossing and turning. Still getting up tons to pee.
Best moment this week: Getting things ready for her arrival. We bought the monitor and I took the breast pump out to get an idea how to use it. Also had a BF class that was very helpful.
Movement: In my ribs, kinda hurts!
Food cravings: Nothing crazy and anything I DO NOT have to cook!
Gender: GIRL!!
Labor Signs: none that I can point out but being 1cm & 30% effaced, somethins going on!
Belly Button in or out? In but very flat
What I miss: Wearing my wedding rings, sleeping on my belly
What I am looking forward to: My next appointment to see if I am progressing more at all.
Milestones: 35w 35 days to go!!

I had my first weekly appointment this morning. I am 1cm dilated and 30% effaced. I'll take that! Better then nothing. I know it means jack as far as when I will go into labor but its a good sign that something is happening. Doctor said that her head is definitely down. She did the strep-B test. I thought for sure when she checked me it would hurt but it didn't at all.

Right now I am sitting in my classroom and have ZERO motivation to do a thing! Its a mess. Tables and chairs every where, crap on almost every table.... better get busy!

Doctors App Update

So I guess my diastolic blood pressure (the bottom #) is a little high. It was 87. She didn't seem too concerned and said it was like that at my 12w appointment. She checked my swelling which isn't bad at all and said my urine was fine. Plus I haven't gained any weight in 4 weeks. So basically she wants to keep a close eye on it. I go back on Monday, she said that way they can do the Strep B test and check the blood pressure. 

I asked the doctor if she could tell what position she was in yet. So she poked and moved around my belly. Once she got low I could feel something and it was kinda painful, she assumed it was her head. So that's a good sign, if the doctor was right!! Maybe that explains all the jabs I've been getting in the ribs! Love em though!! 

I am trying NOT to freak out right now. I went into school today and cleaned... now I am sneezing like crazy. And hoping that it is just from the dust and I'm not getting sick! Say a prayer for me!!

Went to the breast feeding class tonight. She was great and had lots to explain. She is there Monday- Friday and says that once LO comes she will be there to help. I will take full advantage of her! ;) 

Other then feeling uncomfortable from my growing belly, being a total slack ass and sneezing, I am feeling great! I can't wait to meet Lillian and see what she looks like!