To those who comment in Chinese letters

I don't know what you are writing so please do not take it as me being rude when I do not respond and or delete you comments. That's all! Thanks! :)

We need to hit the LOTTO!

So tired of having to worry about $$.

I know this is probably never going to end. Unless we hit the lotto!
We have two goals at this point for saving $.

We want another child in the near future. We're not TTC right now by any means for more then one reason.
a) I want to enjoy L more and get to know her little personality. I want to be able to focus on her for another year at least.
b) We need more $$ to afford to have another baby
and
c) I am working really hard (kinda hard) on getting my body into shape

And we also want to buy a house in the next 3 maybe 4 years. We currently live in a town house which isn't tiny. I want a backyard and a real drive way... random huh?!
I am tired of this parking lot and lugging all this shit in daily! And when it rains it sucks even more. I want a kitchen with more room. And a pool would be nice too!!

Okay I drifted off into lala land there for a moment.

We're not broke at all. We just have a # that we like to stay above in our account. We already do the Florida prepaid college fund for L so that's getting done. Which in return will save us $ later on. We're not living paycheck to paycheck. We just aren't saving like we'd like to.

We decided that we need to not do all the things we wanted to this summer.
No Dave Matthews tickets :(
No going to Orlando to visit our friends.
No buying all the fun stuff for my classroom I was looking at (this I'm ok with)
No going all out on L's first birthday

I think I'm saddest about the Dave Matthews concert. It's been like a tradition for us.

I guess what it all comes down to is... I am thankful for so many other things that $ isn't really that important. I know for a fact their are families out there that are way worse off then us right now!

Just hoping things all work out in the long run!

First weigh in today in a month

And I was shocked.

I didn't gain at all. In fact I was down 0.2 so now I am at an exact 165lbs! Whoo hoo!

I don't think the tiny old lady weighing me in realized it had been a month since the last time I was there. She praised me for not gaining and sent me off. I was thrilled. I'll take it at this point.

So today the hubs and I went to the grocery store. I sware the two of us have the BIGGEST junk tooth there is. We both love the same horrible foods. Although he'll eat anything you put in front of him be it junk or healthy food.

As for my little lady who I've neglected to write about in the last few weeks... she is wonderful. I just love her to pieces.

I am in love with the way she burrows her tiny head into my chest when I go in and pick her up from her naps or first thing in the morning.

Right now I am almost positive she is getting both top teeth at the same time. Her gums are super white and she has an excessive amount of drool.

I'm not gonna lie. I am pretty much OVER the whole "dada" bit. I tell her 10 times a day she needs to move onto another consonant... "mmm" might be a start! But I doubt it's going to happen anytime soon.

She is eating like a champ. I have yet to put something in her mouth she doesn't like (not sure if that's a good or bad thing) She hoovers around me while I am eating. She won't let me get away without giving her a taste.

She's taken a few spills since pulling up onto things. It kills me but I know it's just the start!

I'm having a great time being a "pretend" SAHM! That's what I call it since its only a few months. I do think it would be tough to do it full time. I'd want to go out and do all kinds of things that cost $$ that we don't have right now. Inside things like this place called A Latte fun. Its a kids gym with an adult coffee shop inside too. Its fun and has air conditioning which is a MUST in hot a** south florida right now. It's like $8-10 per kid to get in. I think L is free since she is so small still.

We will be doing lots of play dates in the coming weeks. This week we're going to visit our friend Melissa who has a 4 week old and a 4 year old. Would it be rude to bring L with me?? I know kids are carriers but she has a live in carrier... thoughts?

Then we have a old high school friend who has 2 year old twin girls. We might meet up with them.

Gotta keep busy!!

g.u.i.l.t

I have it for just about everything.

Here is my tiny list:

- Motherhood too much to go into!!

- Being a Wife same as above

-Spending $ on MYSELF! This is a big one.... cause ya know I can spend whatever money I have on Lilly and it's always justified. I on the only hand, need nothing. The word *want* shouldn't even be in my vocabulary. Like the purse I wanted today while at Target. Yes, note the store one more time. TARGET. Not Coach which I was at while in NC. The green purse at Target today for $12.98 (it was on clearance) almost put me into tears!!
I walked by that damn purse 2 times before heading directly to the checkout lane! Like seriously. I know many people who spend $200+ on purses. But I can't... cause I don't... here's that word again... NEED it! I reminded myself several (almost 2o times) that we aren't currently saving so I need to do my part and only buy stuff I need. And then I proceeded to slap myself in the face for not taking $ and spending it on myself when in fact we did have a little to spare. We're not broke but saving is a big deal around here. And I'm all about it!

-Exercise. Hate that word. It just has neon negative lights all around it. I feel terrible when I don't go because I know it's so important for more then one reason. And then I feel horrible for going when I could be spending that hour with Lilly before bed. But now since I am on summer break I am going to go in the morning right when she gets out of bed. Ya know since its like 100 degrees here by 8am!!

- Eating well. I've had a reading workshop all week this week. Which means lots of eating out with friends to chat about what we're learning or lack there of! While at lunch this week I realized a few things. 1) I eat way to freakin fast 2) I eat a.l.o.t 3) I eat pretty much what I know I should be eating! I think #1 & 2 bother me the most. Now I know why my 2 friends stay so thin... they throw half of what they ordered away!

- Family. Love them all to the moon and back BUT they drive me nuts. Then I feel guilty for feeling annoyed! That bit is never ending!!

I guess my point in this is I am so tired of watching everything.

Watching how much money I spend, what I eat, how fast I eat, how much I eat, how I don't exercise, how I need to exercise, the amount of interaction I do with Lilly, planning her birthday party (WHOA!) how many times a week I cook dinner, the laundry being done, the house being cleaned, babysitting for my sister, and on and on and on and on!!!

I feel like I need a mental vacation!!

No good...

at anything.

I am much harder on myself then I am on anyone else. Is that the norm??!

I suck at sticking to anything.

Good eating habits- fail 99% of the time
Cooking- ok for a week then fail
Motherhood- pretty good most the time but sometimes I get selfish (shocking I know)
Exercise- great for 2 weeks then nada for 2 months+
Wife- pretty great in some areas that I won't mention... but totally suck in other areas (putting laundry away, keeping up with cleaning... what else is there?! lol )

I have no idea why I'm like this.

I don't have a passion for anything really. I would say I LOVE shopping but I have total guilt when I buy myself the littlest things.

I turn to food for comfort. Maybe because people *need* to have food to live. I dunno. Just throwing it out there. When I go shopping I always say to myself, "Do I REALLY need this?" and the answer is mostly no. Then I throw whatever I'm holding onto some random shelf nearby.

Why is it that once women have children they stop taking care of themselves? Cause this is totally my situation right now.

I really want a hobby or even to join Lady of America only to go to their Zumba classes. But it all goes back to $$. I hear the 'we aren't saving' speech every time bill paying time rolls around.

And I am cool with that. Cause I know he is only looking out for OUR best interest. It isn't like he is being an asshole about it.

I need to do something. I should have gone out walking this afternoon. Walking is so b.o.r.i.n.g!! Think I'd rather poke my eyes out!

I need some sort of motivation. I wanted my 10 yr reunion to be that motivation. Yeah well so much for that. It's gone!

Now I have this wild idea of going back to school in August in a much smaller size... August is closer then I realized! Damn it. It's always something.

I had a plan. I was going to wake up every morning and go walking when Lilly woke up. Yeah that has happened like ZERO time so far. I started a reading workshop this week so I couldn't. And before that I was in NC.

I HAVE TO DO SOMETHING FAST!
:::vent over:::

Fell Off the WW wagon

Gah!

Must.get.back.into.a.routine!!

Being out of school has totally thrown me for a few loops!

And to those who comment in Chinese letters. I have no clue what you're writing!!