Wednesday, October 28, 2009

2 Months Old & Holy Schmoly!

I can't believe Lilly is 2 months old today! She has changed so much! She smiles and laughs. And gets really upset with a puckered lip and all! I love seeing her smile in the mornings. She is so happy in the morning... and it kinda makes up for waking us up in the middle of the night still! I still CAN NOT WAIT for her to STTN. I know it'll happen when she's ready. I will add a picture once I take it. Till then a pumpkin patch picture will do!

And holy schmoly to my last post! Can we say PMS! AF is right around the corner and I'm feeling it! Totally moody and having a headache right now.

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Time?! What's that?

Because I don't have any.
Moving on to what is pissing me off at this current moment. Right now, I dislike my husband. Seriously can't wait till this weekend is over. Although I am sure this won't be the last of it. Guess where he is, doing what he said he wouldn't be doing. Yeah thats right, helping his sister move into their new place. His exact words, ohh about a month ago... "I am NOT helping them move, where are all their so called friends?! They can help them!" " (BIL's name) got this tiny trailer to move ALL their stuff instead of getting a UHAUL like most people do and get it done in one shot! How stupid!" Yeah looks who's loading that small stupid trailer as I type. Fuckin idiot! He hates when I call him out and you know I did. I couldn't keep it to myself. Don't talk shit you can't back up! Or follow through with! I guess the main reason I'm so annoyed and pissed is because he specifically told me to bring school stuff home (which I could be doing right now) and that he would watch Lilly.
So I lug this big ass bag of shit home to have him up and leave at the drop of a dime when mommy calls and gives him some kinda "moving" news. He had no plans on going over there till about 20 minutes ago. Lilly is sleeping in her swing so I plan on doing some lessons but its just the point. Its almost like he is looking for a reason to get out. And its not like he is locked up in the house. HE was the one who got to go out this weekend. NOT me! He went to some bar to watch the MMA fights with his buds while I again sat here doing lesson plans, running up and down the stairs every time someone decided she wasn't going to bed!! So he can kiss my ass!
Alright enough about that!! My baby will be 2 months tomorrow! WHOA! Where has time gone? She is changing so much. Her vision is great. She scans my face instead of having a blank stare. She is smiling and cooing and sometime laughing! LOVE it! I am thinking about piercing her ears but not sure when is a good time. She gets shots next Monday so I might ask the Pedi.

Thursday, October 22, 2009


Holy tired. I was in bed by 8pm last night. I brought home some school stuff to do and it never made it out of the bag! After getting Lillian ready for bed, I too was ready for bed! She ended up being fussy and Kevin was at his game so I brought her in bed with me for a few hours! Whatever it takes to get an hour of shut eye!
Stressed. I feel so torn because I am being such a slacker teacher. I am trying to play catch up from the crap I missed out on doing in the beginning of the year. I posted my schedule but A LOT has since changed. So I had to do almost everything over again. I have begged for lesson plans from my coworkers just to get through this week. I am going to have a ton to do over the weekend. Before I'd stay till 5pm and now I am out of there at 3 so I can go get Lillian from my moms house. And by the time I get back to my room its 2:20 which doesn't leave much time to plan, or get materials ready. I've been on the phone all week with parents about their animals... I mean kids. They were off the wall but are getting much better! They are sad the sub isn't there anymore so they can have a free for all! Poor babies! lol
Happy! I am sooo happy seeing Lilly smile and cooing. She has changed so much the last few weeks. Being away from her during the day I can really now see her changing. Before I was with her 24/7 I never noticed her growing but she sure is! She will be 2 months on Wednesday! WHOA!
Ready. I am SOOOOO ready for the weekend. Even though I'll be cleaning this messy ass house and doing school stuff! Booo! Maybe we might go out one night for dinner or something low key! Lots of sleeping while Lillian is too!
Ahhhh it 9:48pm and I still have to shower, get my stuff ready for tomorrow and get Lilly's stuff ready for my mom! TGIF.. well almost! :)

Friday, October 16, 2009


"where's my paci?"
I love how I am seeing Lillian make little changes. She is smiling and cooing and just being a great little girl! It amazes me how fast they change. And kinda makes me sad too. Sad because I go back to work on Monday and I am going to miss all those little changes! :( I need to get over it and stop harping on it. It is what it is and there is no changing it! My first born niece started calling my mom Rara when she was little and it stuck. I am so lucky to have Rara watching Lilly. It will make my life so much easier. We are paying her a small amount each week. She quit her job to take care of my nephew and she needs a little spending money each week. Spending money which 90% of the time is spent on the kids! Kevin will be dropping her off every morning and I'll be picking her up. In my contract at school I have to stay there till 3pm... I'll be outta there by 2:59!! haha!

Kevin is an awesome dad! Sometimes he has a short fuse when Lillian is crying. Not sure why but he has it in his head that "sometimes babies just cry!" yeah okay well being a MOM I am going to do whatever it takes to figure it out before calling it quits! The other night he took his turn to feed her... it was like 3am. He put her back down and she wasn't having it. She started crying, he tried 3-4 times to soothe her. Nothing was working. By then I woke up and asked what was going on. He told me he tried everything and he was "D-O-N-E.DONE!" Whoa. Ok there! All she wanted was her paci AGAIN!

Speaking of that damn paci! I Hate it. She is right now in her crib chasing it around. She arches her back, has her mouth wide open and tries rolling over to get it back in her mouth! She LOVES it but she sleeps with her mouth open and as soon as its out she is a screaming mess! Unless she is super tired and in a deep sleep. UGH!

My sister is having her little girl November 11th. My SIL has a 4month old little girl. SO many babies!! SIL is still in the process of getting her house together. It looks so nice! Kevin is done doing the floors there. Thank GOODness! I look forward to our weekends together!

Many of you know the situation with my sister who has been TTC forever. I haven't heard anything else about adoption. I know she needs more $ so until that comes around I don't think anything will be going on. It sucks so bad. My heart is broken for her! She is holding up though. She is SO freaking strong!!

Alright... I'm off to replace the paci which has fallen out AGAIN!! AHHH! lol

Thursday, October 8, 2009

Hair Salons

There is me... I got my hair done. Cut and colored. It was so nice! I feel human again. Now if the pregnancy mask would go away. This picture shows it pretty well. My skin use to be even. My forehead and cheeks are the worst. YUCK! Why is it that after going to get your hair done it smells & feels so good?! No matter how much $$ I spend on products it NEVER is like that after I do it at home!!
Also I find it funny how women will tell their hair dresser just about anything. I heard the funniest stuff today while sitting in the chair!
Here is Lillian having tummy time... so much for that idea! She passed right out! She is getting so squeezable!! I love it!

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

no more puppies and rainbows

Here it goes...

Yes, I lost my pregnancy weight (20lbs) fairly fast. BUT I was fat to begin with. I was about 120lbs when I met DH ( I was 17) ... and I was 160 when I got my BFP. How the eff does that happen? Being happy in love, not watching what I am putting in my mouth, not exercising. It comes on fast. So when I had Lillian and breastfed for that week or so it the pregnancy weight fell off. I was at one point down to 155... yeah well I am eating again and its coming back on again. I haven't weighed myself in a few weeks but I can feel it! I go to my PP appointment and hope I get the ok to do things again. I am not looking forward to exercise again. And honestly have NO IDEA how I am going to fit it in now with a baby. But I have to.

My lady bits. I hyperventilated when I first got home from the hospital. Thought I was scared for life. What the fuck is that huge ass bump down there? I thought it was a hemmy but nope it was adema... swelling from the tear. Would it ever go back to normal? Would I ever let DH anywhere down there again? So far its shaping up nicely. I still get twinges of pain once in a while but not like before.

My back hurts like HELL. All the bending wrong while feeding her. Bending over to put her in her crib. Leaning over to change her diaper. In and out of the car with the car seat. I feel like I am 90 years old! I have a gift card for a message and I am going to use it. It's bad.

Things I hate about people. People who are so self consumed and can't look passed their own lives to what is happening in someone else's. People who have EVERYTHING they could ever ask for yet aren't satisfied with it. People who know you DO NOT want something to happen (your child's hair to fall out) yet comment about how its "thinning out" every time they see her. People who lie... your child does NOT sleep that well, he is 3 weeks old for goodness sake! People who judge others for feeling a certain way. People who have kids and don't take care of them or want them.

Thing I love about people. People who are dealt the shitty end of the stick but yet see positive end in it. People who give up their own time so that someone else can take an hour to themselves. People who are fair.

"Being a mom is the toughest job in the world" I remember hearing that and thinking "yada, yada, who wouldn't want to sit home all day and watch T.V. and take care of a kid!" HOLY shit were they right!! Its an effing non-stop on the go, life changing experience. Up all night, up all day! Making bottle after bottle. Burping, burping, changing, wiping, bathing, burping some more, another diaper change.... it NEVER stops!! Damn was I naive! "Oh it'll get easier" Really it will. WHEN?! lol

Family is the BEST! Who ever knew that I'd need them so much?! I thought I could move across the country and be just fine with out them. Once again wrong! My mom has been the BIGGEST help in the world. She has taken Lillian to spend the night there so that DH and I could get one full nights sleep. My sister Michelle was in town too so she helped out. She offers to take Lilly so I can come home and clean this pig pen of a house. No way could I have done it without her.

My husband. Ohh how I love him to pieces. Not always though! haha. He is great with Lillian but sometimes, not gonna lie. I want to pinch his head off! We are a lot a like when it comes to sleep... we need lots of it or else we get moody as hell. He tends to be an ass for a few minutes when over tired and then says sorry in time for me to forgive him. Just an example. He spends all day Saturday at his sister house putting in her wood flooring. Comes home. I need a break. Lillian isn't in the best of moods. She is screaming. He makes her a bottle. I simply ask "Are you going to bring her down here to feed her?" His response "Why the F would I do that?" huh.really? I give him a few minutes upstairs to think about the words that just flew off his tongue. Go upstairs and ask "What the hell did I do?" His response "Nothing. I'm sorry. I am just tired." Yeah OK Mr.Shitflysouttamymouthass!

Alright my novel is done... for now at least!

Saturday, October 3, 2009

5 Weeks Old

More pictures MOM??!
Lillian is doing great. She is eating like a little piggy. A few times she has eaten 5oz but I think she may be going through a little growth spurt. She was really fussy a few nights in a row and wouldn't go back down after her feedings. Last night she was great. Ate at 11:30, 5:30 and then again at 8:30. So I hope that is a trend... I'm not holding my breath! lol
Still loves to be swaddled and during her late nap she will put herself to sleep. I lay her down she looks around for a while and before I know it she is out... hope that continues too!! I really am lucky because she has been an awesome baby!
I know most of you already know the story about my sisters so I'll keep it short. My sister E is trying to be a surrogate for my sister M... we find out Wednesday if E is PG! Please say a BIG prayer that it happens! Here are a few more pictures of Lillian. I have become picture crazy recently!!
She is starting to love bath time! This is such an awful picture of me... but you can kinda see the brown blotches on my face. Damn pregnancy mask! I go to the dermatologist on Monday so hopefully something works to make it go away!

Such a BAD girl already! Giving me the bird!! I didn't realize she did that till after I uploaded the pictures! I think its hilarious!