Tuesday, October 6, 2009

no more puppies and rainbows

Here it goes...

Yes, I lost my pregnancy weight (20lbs) fairly fast. BUT I was fat to begin with. I was about 120lbs when I met DH ( I was 17) ... and I was 160 when I got my BFP. How the eff does that happen? Being happy in love, not watching what I am putting in my mouth, not exercising. It comes on fast. So when I had Lillian and breastfed for that week or so it the pregnancy weight fell off. I was at one point down to 155... yeah well I am eating again and its coming back on again. I haven't weighed myself in a few weeks but I can feel it! I go to my PP appointment and hope I get the ok to do things again. I am not looking forward to exercise again. And honestly have NO IDEA how I am going to fit it in now with a baby. But I have to.

My lady bits. I hyperventilated when I first got home from the hospital. Thought I was scared for life. What the fuck is that huge ass bump down there? I thought it was a hemmy but nope it was adema... swelling from the tear. Would it ever go back to normal? Would I ever let DH anywhere down there again? So far its shaping up nicely. I still get twinges of pain once in a while but not like before.

My back hurts like HELL. All the bending wrong while feeding her. Bending over to put her in her crib. Leaning over to change her diaper. In and out of the car with the car seat. I feel like I am 90 years old! I have a gift card for a message and I am going to use it. It's bad.

Things I hate about people. People who are so self consumed and can't look passed their own lives to what is happening in someone else's. People who have EVERYTHING they could ever ask for yet aren't satisfied with it. People who know you DO NOT want something to happen (your child's hair to fall out) yet comment about how its "thinning out" every time they see her. People who lie... your child does NOT sleep that well, he is 3 weeks old for goodness sake! People who judge others for feeling a certain way. People who have kids and don't take care of them or want them.

Thing I love about people. People who are dealt the shitty end of the stick but yet see positive end in it. People who give up their own time so that someone else can take an hour to themselves. People who are fair.

"Being a mom is the toughest job in the world" I remember hearing that and thinking "yada, yada, who wouldn't want to sit home all day and watch T.V. and take care of a kid!" HOLY shit were they right!! Its an effing non-stop on the go, life changing experience. Up all night, up all day! Making bottle after bottle. Burping, burping, changing, wiping, bathing, burping some more, another diaper change.... it NEVER stops!! Damn was I naive! "Oh it'll get easier" Really it will. WHEN?! lol

Family is the BEST! Who ever knew that I'd need them so much?! I thought I could move across the country and be just fine with out them. Once again wrong! My mom has been the BIGGEST help in the world. She has taken Lillian to spend the night there so that DH and I could get one full nights sleep. My sister Michelle was in town too so she helped out. She offers to take Lilly so I can come home and clean this pig pen of a house. No way could I have done it without her.

My husband. Ohh how I love him to pieces. Not always though! haha. He is great with Lillian but sometimes, not gonna lie. I want to pinch his head off! We are a lot a like when it comes to sleep... we need lots of it or else we get moody as hell. He tends to be an ass for a few minutes when over tired and then says sorry in time for me to forgive him. Just an example. He spends all day Saturday at his sister house putting in her wood flooring. Comes home. I need a break. Lillian isn't in the best of moods. She is screaming. He makes her a bottle. I simply ask "Are you going to bring her down here to feed her?" His response "Why the F would I do that?" huh.really? I give him a few minutes upstairs to think about the words that just flew off his tongue. Go upstairs and ask "What the hell did I do?" His response "Nothing. I'm sorry. I am just tired." Yeah OK Mr.Shitflysouttamymouthass!

Alright my novel is done... for now at least!


Eclipsed said...

I love you so much for this post. It truly is a life changing experience that I was oh so ill prepared for. Family has been my saving grace as well and whoever has a three week old who sttn I wish massive diarrhea upon them. And Lillian's hair is not thinning out. She has beautiful luxurious hair. If there was a Pantene commercial for babies, she'd be the star. Love you!

I'm Just Sayin' - Kerri said...

You have an award on my last post. enjoy.