Starting a new blog...

I want a new blog. No real reason.

So if you'd like to follow it please send me a message letting me know who you are and you're email address! :)

Learned a lot about myself recently

1. I am more of a paranoid mom then I thought I'd be.

L's been sick and I am freaking out she is going to get dehydrated. Pedi said to stop giving her formula so the diarrhea stops (which it has) so I've been pushing pedialyte that she isn't a fan of. I felt like I was hit by a bus by 5pm yesterday simply from worrying all.freakin.day!

2. I totally have an emotional eating issue.

With her being sick I've been stressed. I turn to junk food for comfort... I've never really realized this before!! It's really that I noticed it cause now I am making a conscious effort to distance myself from it all. Considering I lost ZERO pounds last week motivates me even more.

3. I get irritable very fast over nothing.

This I've kind have seen before but totally saw it the last few days. It started with not losing any weight last week, then talking to DH about $$, and having L get sick to finish it off. I went to bed early last night before punching something!! I didn't fall asleep till about 11 :::yawns:::

4. I'm not sure I could be a SAHM.

LOVE, love, love staying home with her. But I've realized I have to have some adult interaction during the week.

That's it! I must go do something productive before nap time ends!

:)

Lost 1 lb this week. Not horrible but no spectacular either! BUT I am almost to my 5% lost. Total lost so far is 7.2.

So I am determined to walk 4 times this week in this nasty heat. I want to get back into the 150's. I went through some clothes in the closet and was VERY surprised I fit into a few capris and pants. Before I use to stuff my fat arse in them and looked like I was spilling out of them! Gross.

It amazes me how just a few pounds make such a difference. :)

On another note Lillian is getting 2 more teeth. :(

It's so sad having her wake up in the middle of the night moaning and groaning cause they are bothering her. We've been using the hylands tablets which have helped.

She said "dog" this morning. Clear and perfectly. Before it was just "dah".

I think going back to work is going to be tougher then it was when she was 8 weeks old. :/

I am not looking forward to it at all.

I love getting her out of her crib in the morning and from naps. She sometimes pretends to be sleeping still. She'll throw herself down and lay flat out with out moving... it cracks me up!

We start swim lessons tomorrow. Kinda nervous. Not sure what we'll be doing. I am terrified of dunking her head under the water. She isn't a fan of getting water poured over her head in the bath. Hoping she learns something from it. It's only 2 weeks long. We can't afford the other swim programs. SIL is paying $55 a week for 3, 15 minutes sessions. We paid $45 for 8, 30 minute sessions. Anything she gets is better then nothing!

My classroom is coming along. I bought stuff to make curtains to cover some cabinets. I've never really sewn anything so this is going to be an experience. My mom has a machine she's never even used so we busted it out and will be using it. She knows how to sew but we're still figuring out this machine itself! Hopefully they turn out decent!

I have a major head start over everyone at school. All my boxes are unpacked, furniture moved in and set up. That feels great to know. There are tons of people moving rooms this year so come Aug it'll be interesting! Everyone wanted a grade change.

Gotta go get ready for church :)

Confessions

Sometimes I wonder how I haven't run out of things to "look up" online.

I miss being a kid. No bills, no jobs, no worries!

I have tons of irrational fears/thoughts. These are both random (like when Kevin leaves for work with L and I have a quick thought of "what if something happens to them on the way to my moms?") I hate that my mind even flashes those thoughts.
Then there is the "Is L developing correctly?" "What will she turn out to be like?" I watched too much Dateline, 2020, and Intervention. GAH!

I HATE and LOVE how L loves my mother to pieces. She pitches fits when we leave their house. She cries when my mom walks out of the room. She lights up when my mom walks back into the room. I wouldn't want her to do that with anyone but my mom, well unless it was with ME!
I yell at her telling her I delivered her and she better love me! lol

I don't go a day with out thinking about my weight, what I've eaten or if I've exercised enough.

I'm getting to know my MIL more by hanging out with her this summer. We went to breakfast this morning. She really is a cool person!

I can't stand people on facebook who put the same shit as their status every single day. Everyone knows your on vaca, your loving life, your family is the best, you're very grateful for everything. Guess what... NO ONE GIVES A SHIT after the 50th time!

There are a group of coworkers I can't stand at all. They are so fake. They don't hesitate to talk shit about anyone behind their back. They do all they can to brown nose the right people. I'm the do your job and go home kinda person.

I wish I could have a baby for my sister... not sure I could handle that whole process.

I could sleep in till 11 everyday if it wasn't for L waking up! ::yawn::

I'm such a d o r k!

I'm moving my classroom tomorrow to the kindergarten hall and I am totally excited!

I think having new scenery is going to be great.

I've been in the same hallway/room for 4 years. I was always one of those kids that moved my bedroom furniture around 3 times a year. Mom would come home to crap every where. And I'd have my butt behind my dresser pushing it around the room!

The classroom I am moving to is bigger and much more open. The last 4 years I've been in a concreatable (a room they added on later as the school grew, no windows but 1). My new room has windows all across the front and lets in more natural light.

I am trying to picture in my head where I am going to put everything. I love the beginning of the year because it's a fresh start. :)

-1.8 Not to shabby

I've been trying really hard to watch what goes in my mouth. Not to say I don't give in here and there. Looks like its paying off. Total weight loss right now 6.2lbs. I'll take it! :)

Pretty Amazed

This was my pumpkin 10 months ago.... and the picture below is her today! Wow, it amazes me how fast babies grow the first year. Before having L I didn't realize how short of a time period a year was. I use to think, Uh a YEAR... that's forever from now! Oh how I was wrong! Her first year of life is almost over. ::tear::

On another note, I am giving myself credit today for things I don't normally do.

-I went walking 2 times this week! Yay! That's more then I've done in a l o n g time.

-I am a great mom! We've been having so much fun this summer. I love, love, love watching her play on her own. Sitting there talking to her toys, looking at her books in depth and seeing her tiny gears in her head turning. She is my little sponge! Which reminds me we need to seriously get our mouths in shape. No more cuss words. My mouth is horrible sometimes. Especially when someone doesn't know how to drive in front of me!

-I ate pretty well this week. Don't think I lost any but we will find out tomorrow morning. Eeekk!

And another note! I feel like everyone (online buds) are TTC baby #2. I am kinda jealous. I am totally wishy washy when it comes to baby #2. Well just to put it out there, we won't be TTC again any time soon. We aren't saving $$ right now so until that happens we don't feel comfortable bringing another life into the world. I would LOVE to be pregnant again. But then I want to know L's little personality before having to focus on another lil' one. And I am *trying* to get back in shape so being pregnant would blow that out of the water. Have I said all this before?! Feeling like I've already posted this rant! lol

Ahh guess time will tell! :)

To those who comment in Chinese letters

I don't know what you are writing so please do not take it as me being rude when I do not respond and or delete you comments. That's all! Thanks! :)

We need to hit the LOTTO!

So tired of having to worry about $$.

I know this is probably never going to end. Unless we hit the lotto!
We have two goals at this point for saving $.

We want another child in the near future. We're not TTC right now by any means for more then one reason.
a) I want to enjoy L more and get to know her little personality. I want to be able to focus on her for another year at least.
b) We need more $$ to afford to have another baby
and
c) I am working really hard (kinda hard) on getting my body into shape

And we also want to buy a house in the next 3 maybe 4 years. We currently live in a town house which isn't tiny. I want a backyard and a real drive way... random huh?!
I am tired of this parking lot and lugging all this shit in daily! And when it rains it sucks even more. I want a kitchen with more room. And a pool would be nice too!!

Okay I drifted off into lala land there for a moment.

We're not broke at all. We just have a # that we like to stay above in our account. We already do the Florida prepaid college fund for L so that's getting done. Which in return will save us $ later on. We're not living paycheck to paycheck. We just aren't saving like we'd like to.

We decided that we need to not do all the things we wanted to this summer.
No Dave Matthews tickets :(
No going to Orlando to visit our friends.
No buying all the fun stuff for my classroom I was looking at (this I'm ok with)
No going all out on L's first birthday

I think I'm saddest about the Dave Matthews concert. It's been like a tradition for us.

I guess what it all comes down to is... I am thankful for so many other things that $ isn't really that important. I know for a fact their are families out there that are way worse off then us right now!

Just hoping things all work out in the long run!

First weigh in today in a month

And I was shocked.

I didn't gain at all. In fact I was down 0.2 so now I am at an exact 165lbs! Whoo hoo!

I don't think the tiny old lady weighing me in realized it had been a month since the last time I was there. She praised me for not gaining and sent me off. I was thrilled. I'll take it at this point.

So today the hubs and I went to the grocery store. I sware the two of us have the BIGGEST junk tooth there is. We both love the same horrible foods. Although he'll eat anything you put in front of him be it junk or healthy food.

As for my little lady who I've neglected to write about in the last few weeks... she is wonderful. I just love her to pieces.

I am in love with the way she burrows her tiny head into my chest when I go in and pick her up from her naps or first thing in the morning.

Right now I am almost positive she is getting both top teeth at the same time. Her gums are super white and she has an excessive amount of drool.

I'm not gonna lie. I am pretty much OVER the whole "dada" bit. I tell her 10 times a day she needs to move onto another consonant... "mmm" might be a start! But I doubt it's going to happen anytime soon.

She is eating like a champ. I have yet to put something in her mouth she doesn't like (not sure if that's a good or bad thing) She hoovers around me while I am eating. She won't let me get away without giving her a taste.

She's taken a few spills since pulling up onto things. It kills me but I know it's just the start!

I'm having a great time being a "pretend" SAHM! That's what I call it since its only a few months. I do think it would be tough to do it full time. I'd want to go out and do all kinds of things that cost $$ that we don't have right now. Inside things like this place called A Latte fun. Its a kids gym with an adult coffee shop inside too. Its fun and has air conditioning which is a MUST in hot a** south florida right now. It's like $8-10 per kid to get in. I think L is free since she is so small still.

We will be doing lots of play dates in the coming weeks. This week we're going to visit our friend Melissa who has a 4 week old and a 4 year old. Would it be rude to bring L with me?? I know kids are carriers but she has a live in carrier... thoughts?

Then we have a old high school friend who has 2 year old twin girls. We might meet up with them.

Gotta keep busy!!

g.u.i.l.t

I have it for just about everything.

Here is my tiny list:

- Motherhood too much to go into!!

- Being a Wife same as above

-Spending $ on MYSELF! This is a big one.... cause ya know I can spend whatever money I have on Lilly and it's always justified. I on the only hand, need nothing. The word *want* shouldn't even be in my vocabulary. Like the purse I wanted today while at Target. Yes, note the store one more time. TARGET. Not Coach which I was at while in NC. The green purse at Target today for $12.98 (it was on clearance) almost put me into tears!!
I walked by that damn purse 2 times before heading directly to the checkout lane! Like seriously. I know many people who spend $200+ on purses. But I can't... cause I don't... here's that word again... NEED it! I reminded myself several (almost 2o times) that we aren't currently saving so I need to do my part and only buy stuff I need. And then I proceeded to slap myself in the face for not taking $ and spending it on myself when in fact we did have a little to spare. We're not broke but saving is a big deal around here. And I'm all about it!

-Exercise. Hate that word. It just has neon negative lights all around it. I feel terrible when I don't go because I know it's so important for more then one reason. And then I feel horrible for going when I could be spending that hour with Lilly before bed. But now since I am on summer break I am going to go in the morning right when she gets out of bed. Ya know since its like 100 degrees here by 8am!!

- Eating well. I've had a reading workshop all week this week. Which means lots of eating out with friends to chat about what we're learning or lack there of! While at lunch this week I realized a few things. 1) I eat way to freakin fast 2) I eat a.l.o.t 3) I eat pretty much what I know I should be eating! I think #1 & 2 bother me the most. Now I know why my 2 friends stay so thin... they throw half of what they ordered away!

- Family. Love them all to the moon and back BUT they drive me nuts. Then I feel guilty for feeling annoyed! That bit is never ending!!

I guess my point in this is I am so tired of watching everything.

Watching how much money I spend, what I eat, how fast I eat, how much I eat, how I don't exercise, how I need to exercise, the amount of interaction I do with Lilly, planning her birthday party (WHOA!) how many times a week I cook dinner, the laundry being done, the house being cleaned, babysitting for my sister, and on and on and on and on!!!

I feel like I need a mental vacation!!

No good...

at anything.

I am much harder on myself then I am on anyone else. Is that the norm??!

I suck at sticking to anything.

Good eating habits- fail 99% of the time
Cooking- ok for a week then fail
Motherhood- pretty good most the time but sometimes I get selfish (shocking I know)
Exercise- great for 2 weeks then nada for 2 months+
Wife- pretty great in some areas that I won't mention... but totally suck in other areas (putting laundry away, keeping up with cleaning... what else is there?! lol )

I have no idea why I'm like this.

I don't have a passion for anything really. I would say I LOVE shopping but I have total guilt when I buy myself the littlest things.

I turn to food for comfort. Maybe because people *need* to have food to live. I dunno. Just throwing it out there. When I go shopping I always say to myself, "Do I REALLY need this?" and the answer is mostly no. Then I throw whatever I'm holding onto some random shelf nearby.

Why is it that once women have children they stop taking care of themselves? Cause this is totally my situation right now.

I really want a hobby or even to join Lady of America only to go to their Zumba classes. But it all goes back to $$. I hear the 'we aren't saving' speech every time bill paying time rolls around.

And I am cool with that. Cause I know he is only looking out for OUR best interest. It isn't like he is being an asshole about it.

I need to do something. I should have gone out walking this afternoon. Walking is so b.o.r.i.n.g!! Think I'd rather poke my eyes out!

I need some sort of motivation. I wanted my 10 yr reunion to be that motivation. Yeah well so much for that. It's gone!

Now I have this wild idea of going back to school in August in a much smaller size... August is closer then I realized! Damn it. It's always something.

I had a plan. I was going to wake up every morning and go walking when Lilly woke up. Yeah that has happened like ZERO time so far. I started a reading workshop this week so I couldn't. And before that I was in NC.

I HAVE TO DO SOMETHING FAST!
:::vent over:::

Fell Off the WW wagon

Gah!

Must.get.back.into.a.routine!!

Being out of school has totally thrown me for a few loops!

And to those who comment in Chinese letters. I have no clue what you're writing!!

Another 2 pounds gone...

Although this "holiday" weekend looks like I might have gained it back. Friends were in town and I kinda lost all control. Back on track tomorrow!

I'm not on a DIET!!!!!!!!

Holy food police! I can't stand how once you tell someone you are doing WW they automatically think it's their job to ask you, "Can you eat this?" "should you have that?" "Are you allowed...." "How many points is that?"

Or those people who want to know how it is going. Don't ask. It's not fun. Hell yeah I'd rather be eating a cheese steak sandwich with fries rather then this salad!

All the times I've done WW in the past the comments never really bothered me. This time, I am about to blow! Maybe because my head is totally in it. And I've realized it's not something I plan on only doing for a short amount of time. I'm in it for the long haul. And I am not only doing it for myself. It's for my husband and Lillian.

At work I had 2 coworkers who's husband's had heart attacks within a week of each other. Neither were over weight by any means. But their horrible eating habits probably caught up to them. Clogged arteries. And both are in their early 50's. That's too young for that to be going on!

Boy that felt good to vent! Now I'll be able to get through tomorrows comments!

Back at Weight Watchers

Last week was great. I lost 2.2 lbs. I am kinda scared what this week is going to bring. I haven't been tracking all that well. We went out to dinner Saturday night and I think I had one too many fries.

So now I sit here watching Biggest Loser. Wow these people lost so much effing weight. How dare I complain about my 30-40lbs I am needing to get rid of?! These strangers are real inspirations.

We had turkey burgers for dinner tonight. They were decent. I am running out of recipe ideas. I need more.

I also need to start walking again more often. Oh the to-do list... love them! :)

Whoa it's been a LONG time!

Where has time gone?!

I can't stand how life is just flying by so freakin fast! Lilly will be 9 months this week. Eeeekkk!

My little princess is almost 1 year old! She has 9 more days to spend with G-ma before I am home for summer break. I can't wait to get to spend the time with her. It'll also give me some time to do her scrap book and plan her birthday party.

We're going on our first plane ride minus dada... he can't get off from work :(
Going up to see Auntie in North Carolina with my parents. So at least I won't be traveling alone.

She has changed a lot since the last time I was on here. She's crawling and just started to pull up onto things. She has 2 bottom teeth. I think her top teeth will be here soon too. She is drooling a ton. She has a total fit if someone does something to her that she doesn't like (kisses, taking things away, pulling her away from the computer wire)!

She got her first booboo this afternoon... it breaks my heart. We were sitting outside on a blanket with the dogs. Well our one dog saw something and took off running, the leash was touching Lilly's arm and kinda gave her rope burn. She cried a little bit but nothing like she should have by the looks of it. It looks terrible. :::tear::: I cried. I just hope it doesn't leave a scar. I called the pedi and he said to put neosporin on it with a long sleeve shirt.

As for myself... I went back to WW last Saturday. The first week went well. I lost 2.2lbs. Better then I expected. I need to start walking more. I plan on going first thing in the morning once I am off this summer. I've found this great blog called skinnytaste.com that I love! The recipes are so yummy! It feels good to finally be doing something for myself. :)

I've been having some terrible mommy guilt. It is over the silliest things sometimes. I am getting through it though. This whole leash/rope burn deal isn't making it easy!

Decision... MADE!

Love HER!!!!!! And lovin being home on spring break!!


So after lots of tears and talking we decided that it would be in the best interest for our family that K take the position at the sheriffs office.



I am excited for him and nervous for myself! He needs to get out of where he is at now. And this job offers great opportunities. Benefits, pension, VACATION time (he hasn't had one in years)!



I am nervous for myself because of the unknown. We have no idea what shift he'll end up with. It could be the midnight to 8am which would totally suck! That would mean I'd have to sleep alone- I don't deal well with that! That would mean I would now have to start dropping Lillian off in the mornings at my moms. Which is alright but I'd be getting up super early, having to get ready alone with her at the same time... not sounding great to me! Yikes! Manageable of course but a PITA too! I just see that shift = more on my back!



Another ugh part is holidays. Depending on what shift he ends up with depends on if he'll get any holidays off at all. Boo to not knowing yet! I am so impatient!



As for my decision on moving schools. It's not possible. For the simple fact of (again) the unknown. I couldn't possibly wake up, get myself and a baby put together, fed and out the door, drive north 20 minutes to turn around and drive south 40 minutes ALL before 7:30 am!! I'd be waking up at freaking 4am. Which is not doable at all for me! So thats on hold. Which is perfectly fine. I wasn't thrilled with the whole idea to begin with.



So we'll see what happens! I'll be praying every night that K ends up with a day shift!!!!!!!!!! lol

Oh Life...

Why are you throwing so many decisions at us right now?!

Both Kevin and I are going to (sooner or later) have to make a choice on our jobs. My situation is this...

I have a really great opportunity to move to a much nicer school then where I am at now. Where I am at now is a mess. Admin is nice. I get along great with both the Principal and AP. Love everyone I work with for the most part. The kids/parents are rough. The kids have very unstable living environments. They get pulled in and out of schools all year long. And they are very low in every aspect of life. Some friends at school say "I wouldn't want to deal with parents at an affluent school." others say "Do you really want to go down with this sinking ship?!" I think my one friend is scared to move hence why she has nothing positive to say about me looking into moving.

This all came up from going out a few weekends ago while my sisters were in town. A friend of ours works at this new school. She is the intervention specialist there and works closely with that principal. She couldn't believe I was still teaching where I am at and mentioned that there would be openings at her school. Which totally got me thinking. Now she is working on getting me in. Its a bit far considering where I am at now is a whole 10 min from my house. Its about 30 min away.

One friend of mine who use to work with me but transferred said "Take the transfer and don't look back!" So I am kinda reminding myself of that when I get scared about moving. The next step is to let my principal in on it all. I hope she isn't upset about me considering a move. Not sure yet when/how to tell her.

Now DH might be changing careers all together. He currently is in construction. And is looking into becoming a corrections officer. He took his polygraph test and passed this morning. Is it wrong that I was hoping he'd fail for my own personal reasons? This job change would mean he would start working nights, weekends and holidays. We've had it good where he is at now. He was scared for a bit that where he is at now might not last due to the economy. Hence why he was looking for something else.

I am trying REALLY hard to be supportive. But honestly can't imagine him not around at night or on weekends. I can deal with the holidays. I have a hard enough time sleeping alone when he goes out with the guys at night. Ahhhh, I hope this change is for the better and I don't end up miserable.

Not sure why but I feel like this is going to add a ton onto my plate. I have no idea how its going to work with dropping off and picking up Lillian. Right now it works out great. He drops her off in the morning and I pick her up in the afternoons... how does that work when he works nights? When would we freaking see each other?!

I have to calm down. He wants this so badly. I need to try to find the positive in it! :::looks around:::

Dear March... where did you go?!

Seriously... can't believe March is almost over! Super tired so I just wanted to post some pictures. Big girl is sitting all alone!!

Her first time at the beach... it was kinda chilly hence the pants and hoodie! Aunt Shell put her toes in the sand. She loved it!

Her baptism dress that my MIL made out of my wedding dress. The baptism went great. Except her sock fell in the holy water!