Still in shock

I still can't believe it! I don't think its fully hit me that I am pregnant. I think once I go to my first appointment and its confirmed with b/w then I'll be convinced! lol
I made it through the holidays with out telling anyone. I did tell one person IRL. My best friend. And I will probably have to tell my sister once I get to her house tomorrow and she offers me some kind of alcoholic beverage or asks me to go sledding. She has had 4 kids of her own so she'll read right threw me!
I felt awful not being able to tell my sister who is in town. She might have to go home early due to testing that she'll need for the IVF. She is on so many meds its crazy. She gives herself shots of progesterone and doing the suppositories for that too. Then she takes estrogen and something else I can't remember. She had a bag of pineapple core and I laughed cause I knew what it was for. While she was saying grace before we ate I chimed in and added that we pray for sticky dust. My family looked at me like I was nuts and she said Oh my gosh you spend WAY too much time online!! haha. me... no way!

Besides that I have to wake up at 4am so I am off to finish packing (its ABC's fault) and then going to bed! Be thinking of me freezing my booty off!!

Sad

So yesterday I mentioned something about my BIL's (DH's sisters hubs) family. Apparently his brother has been depressed for some time now. His FIL passed away and was helping his MIL with bills, had lots of stress from work, and his wife is still very sick (she had surgery that ended up getting infected and led to a LOT of problems). I guess the other night him and his wife got into a huge fight. He hit her (which is something the family has never heard of him doing). Took a shot gun down into the basement and wouldn't come out. His daughter was freaked out and called 911. The police came and confronted him. I guess they opened the door and he had the shot gun pointed at them and so they shot him. He died yesterday morning. 39 years old. I was shocked. He was such a nice guy and it seems to me he just LOST it. So now my SIL and BIL are on their way up to Mass where he lived. So freaking sad.
Now my sister and her hubs are having issues. Money of course. He is scared he is going to lose his job. When he came home yesterday he started talking to me telling me he was depressed. I thought he was kidding. I just now called him to talk to him about it because I thought Oh shit maybe he was trying to open up to me about it. He said he is fine and I hope he isn't lying. But I guess my emotions are all f'ed up cause when I hung up I started bawling! AHH.
Took another digital this morning and it still said Pregnant. The line tests are still very faint. But I'll take it! lol

Holy BFP!

I am still in shock! When the spotting stopped I knew something was going on. My spotting NEVER just stops! So I was watching my nephew and he wanted to see our doggies so I came home. Thought Oh what the heck. POAS and saw a faint 2nd line. I NEVER see faint 2nd lines!! So I go down stairs to check if maybe its just the lighting in the bathroom up stairs. Nope it still was there. Little man ran back up stairs with me to pee again but on a digital this time. And up popped that fabulous word PREGNANT!

I was like omg, omg, I have to go shopping, wanna go shopping lil' man?! I had nothing to break the news to DH. So I called Bee and E to tell them the news! Ran around getting everything I needed and headed off to Target. I bought that bib that says "My First Christmas Gift" and put it in a gift bag with the HPT. DH came home late due to the family tragidy we had happen today (will explain later). He didn't get the bibs at first and thought it was something for the dog!lol so after he saw the HPT he was so funny! He kept saying omg! And then made me pee on 2 more sticks! haha!

So now the big question is when to tell the family. Tomorrow both of our families will be at my parents house for Christmas Eve. And timing would be perfect but it is SUPER early. So any suggestions would be great!

I've been tagged!!

1. Link to the person who tagged you. Thanks ABC! 2. Share 7 random and/or weird facts about you.3. Tag up to 7 random people at the end, and include links to their blogs.4. Let each person know they’ve been tagged by leaving a comment on their blogs.

1. I am a really boring person. I have one close friend IRL. I've been burned by friends and having 3 older sisters I don't really need them! Friends in the past were very selfish and only worried about themselves. No thanks!
2. I've lost 6.6 pounds in 3 weeks! YAY!
3. I haven't been taking prenatal vitamins like I should be. ::slaps hand::
4. I have a nervous habit of scratching my head. Kinda like biting your finger nails!
5. I am cheap. I don't hardly buy things for myself. I feel bad spending $ when DH is working a second job.
6. I go over my cell phone plan in text messages. NO more texting for me!
7. I've had several (2) $300+ cell phone bills! Me, talk much... no way!

To chart or not to chart

That is the question. So its only a matter of time before AF shows and I was thinking about what to do for next cycle. I didn't mind charting at all. To be honest I am over it all and just want to see a damn BFP. But since that hasn't happened yet I'm debating with myself if waking up at 5:30 am to know if I O'ed is worth it. Its just frustrating and being on GP isn't helping. So many newbs fly in and back out again just to join 1st tri and its getting to me. No offense to anyone!
Well I won't be temping till I get home from Minnesota so I have till Jan 4th to think about it.

DH is the best!

I was sitting here being pissy because I noticed some more light spotting. He comes home from work to tell me he has an idea for my gift. (he attempted to buy me a pair of uggs for my trip to Minnesota but that failed cause he couldn't find the style i said i wanted) so I had no idea what he had in mind. He took a shower and left. Comes home with something tiny under his shirt and says its not jewelry. Runs upstairs telling me I won't be able to open it till he gets a phone call in a few hours... huh? I was like wtf is going on. He brought it down wrapped up. And then we played the "open your gift, no open yours" for a few minutes. Finally I said fine. And was really surprised. He got me an ipod touch. I thought maybe it was just a regular ipod but not the touch. For those who don't know its just like the iphone minus the phone part. It does pretty much everything.

So your probably wondering what DH was talking about when he said he had to wait a few hours for a phone call. His buddy is a cop and I guess a local Best Buy is giving local cops a discount tonight only. So we could possibly get it for cheaper. His buddy is there right now and we are still waiting for his call. So my new toy is sitting next to me still in its box! Torture I tell you!

Poor DH was so sweet opening my douche bag gift compared to what he got me! He told me not to get him anything and he goes out and spends WAY to much on me! Glad I got him something (digital pic frame, boxers and socks) Uh, I can never win! But I am sooo lucky to have him! He spoils the shit out of me!!

confused

I have no idea what to think. The spotting that I had yesterday isn't happening anymore. I usually spot a day or two before full blown AF so I thought that was what it was. Today is CD 23 so that would have been kinda early. I told DH about it and he was upset and made a comment about shooting blanks! poor guy! The spotting was dark red so doesn't that usually mean old blood? No idea.
Just got home from going to see Santa with my sister and nephew. He totally freaked out and wouldn't let go of my BIL's arm/neck. Nothing else new. Getting ready to go to my parents house to barrow a suitcase so I can start packing for Minnesota. I still have so much to do!! AHHH.

Merry Christmas cycle # 9

This sucks. I'm getting use to it but it still hurts. I am tired of seeing AF already! Today was going great. Went to WW to weigh in. I lost more weight a total of 6.6 pounds in 3 weeks. I was thrilled! Went Christmas shopping. Came home. Used the restroom and there she was. I'm going to try really hard to get over it and remind myself what my older sister is going through right now. She is doing good by the way. She had to be on bed rest for 24 hours and was only allowed to get up and use the bathroom. Now she still needs to take it easy but can get up to make herself food and stuff. Please keep the prayers going that the egg(s) stick!! I am going to be on pins and needles for the next few weeks. 

So I am going to stay with the positive parts of today and focus on what I can control in my life. TTC is one thing thats totally out of my hands! 

My poor sister...

She has been TTC for many, many years. She did IVF for the 1st time back in April. Was PG for 7 weeks. Heard the heart beat on Wednesday and then had lots of bleeding on Thursday. They thought the bleeding might have been caused from the vaginal ultrasound. But when it never stopped they went and did testing. She had been going through a MC. 

So she e-mailed me today asking me to call her when I get a chance. She never does this so I knew something was going on. Finally got in touch with her and she told me about how she did IVF for the 2nd time in October ( I had no idea of this and she came home for Thanksgiving) which resulted in yet another MC. She said it wasn't as bad since she was only 2 weeks PG. She went on to tell me how she is having another IVF transfer tomorrow. This is the last batch of frozen eggs or embryo's that they have and will be it for her. They can't afford to do it a 4th time. I REALLY hope, wish and pray this works out for her. Please keep her in your thoughts and prayers. Thanks!

Grumpy, moody bitch.

That is me today! I just feel like curling up on the couch and doing nothing. But no, my work out buddy is calling me like crazy to go. So I must get up and go.

I don't know why I feel like shit. Maybe its cause we had a meeting today at school. I'm just fed up with people who THINK they know what they are doing and don't at all! People who's job it is to lead us in the right direction yet they have no idea what they are talking about. Its a mess. I need a break! 

Why am I a glass half empty kinda person. Its so hard for me to think, "maybe I am PG." that never really crosses my mind. Its more of, "i'm most likely NOT pg." ugh! Ok enough of my random venting/bitching. Have to get up and go... UGH.

My yearly gyno appointment...

As expected didn't offer much in any area! I am not surprised. She said if nothing happens in a few more months that DH is going to need to get a SA first. So I figure if nothing still by March I will try to get him in. She said we have to order it through his primary care... I'm not sure he has one!! He never goes to the doctor. So he is willing and ready when the time comes. My doctor is so sweet. She said that she usually has good luck with women who are not getting PG. She said they come in, have an appointment and then a month later are PG! Geesh I can only wish, pray and hope that's the case for us! :) 

Off to watch my first graders sing Rudolf the Red Nose Reindeer at our schools Christmas show! 

WHAT?????????

I only lost 2 ounces this past week.... WTF?! I went to weight watchers this morning and I went from 164.4 to 164.2. I wanted to scream!! I think it has to do with the fact I didn't drink hardly any water at all. And I kinda skipped out on tracking some days. I did however walk 3x this week and it was freaking 3 miles each time. I am bummed and usually give myself Saturdays to eat kinda bad but not today! :( 

So the holiday party for work last night was nuts. I have a friend who is going through a divorce. She is seeing/dating/having sex whatever you want to call it with another guy at school. This has been going on for several months now. She is LOST. Her mom died back in April last year after a long battle with breast cancer. She says this guy fills the void. But I personally think she is becoming attached to him. He is of a different race. Everyone at school talks about it. I feel like sometimes I am in high school all over again. She has 2 very small children that she isn't really putting 1st. The part I don't like is we all know he is a player. She has already paid bills for him and when they go out she pays. He won't let her be around him at school functions and he doesn't want anyone to know whats going on... but everyone already does! So there was lots of drinking & drama going on. I just don't want to see her get hurt. 

We got home pretty late so we both were over tired and I felt like if we tried to BD it would have ended up in a disaster. I don't do well when I am tired! So we skipped it and agreed to do it this morning. Okay so I stopped and ran up stairs to use an OPK and the fucker was a bfn. So I am utterly pist off that we didn't do it last night. AHHHHHHHH. Trying not to cry! 

Yay for + OPKs! Last time I used the smiley face opks I got a + on both CD14 & 15. My chart matched up and said I O'ed on Cd14. That time we had sex from CD 12-15. I just had to go back and look at my old chart. Its so hard not to get anxious!! Ahhh. Okay I am off to go to my holiday party for school!! Bring on the drinks! 

Blah

That is how I feel right now. Ugh... blah! I feel like this week has sucked as far as WW. I have been slacking on tracking what I am eating. And I just went to my parents house for dinner and I weighed myself and its the same as last week. Ugh. I walked 3 nights this week and did 3 miles each time. My fricking shins are killing me. I am SO tired I feel like I could go to bed right now.
I got another bfn opk tonight. But we are sticking to the every other day plan. Tomorrow is my schools Christmas party. Maybe I'll get wasted (yeah right. aka drinking 2 bacardi&diets) and get KU! LOL I am such a light weight!
I am bummed that my sister (from N.C.) isn't coming into town till later now. She was originally going to be here on the 19th and now its the 24th. I am going to Minnesota (to see my other sister) the 26th- Jan 3rd and she is leaving the 4th. So I'll get to see her probably 2 days! boo.

Back to OPKs

So I am using OPKs again. Not so sure what to think. Today CD 11 was a BFN. I think that cycle where my chart, opks, and timing all lined up perfectly really tore me up! I thought it couldn't have looked better. But it wasn't my cycle! I am really hoping that this cycle (8) is it for me. Although it would put a huge dent in my weight watchers plan! I would love nothing more then to get PG but also know I REALLY need to get my ass in shape & get healthy. So I can really only be in control of one of those things and I am working my ass off to make it happen! 

I have my yearly on Dec 15th. Curious to see what her thoughts are about it all. She probably will say, see you in 5 months! I'm cool with that. Ok the laundry is calling my name!

Melt Downs

Me has them! I can't accept the fact that my parents are getting older. I was at a party on Saturday for a neigbor that we had growing up. And it hit me then, holy shit my dad is closer to 60 not 50 anymore (he's 56)! He has had gray hair ever since I can remember but his body is changing. Getting that older soft skin and he is loosing some muscle. Not sure why it bothers me but it does. And I let it all out after I left the party. DH and I were on our way to the Christmas boat parade. I cried like a freaking baby! I will not be ok the day something happens to them. And DH is full warned! I called my sister in N.C. sobbing. She thinks I'm nuts! I am ok now though. I spent the day out at my parents house since I realized I hardly do anymore since I got married and moved out! I will make a point to do that more often now. Vent over!
I bought some more CBE digital OPKs at Target today. Um, they were on sale for $25 so HOW could I pass that up?!! I am curious to see what day I get a + on this time.

Whoo Hoo

I lost 3 lbs. this past week! I just got home from weight watchers and I am thrilled with it so far. Its amazing how I could already feel it based on my clothes. I didn't feel like I was stuffing myself into my pants! I guess next week I'll find out how the program is changing. Hope its not that different then what I am use to.
On another note... why do people accept your friend request on FB and then when you send them a message they ignore it?! Not just a friend but an effing family member! I knew he drifted away from the family but I didn't realize he was going to be so rude. Asshole!
As far as TTC. I am up in the air as to what to do this cycle. To temp or not to temp is the question. Or should I just go back to my loves... the smiley face OPKs? Not sure yet.

Burnt out

I feel like burnt toast. Ha toast! ;)
I am just so tired of meeting after meeting about what we can/should be doing in our classrooms. So tired of getting more forms and papers to fill out and do to make sure we are meeting the needs of our students. Ugh. I say our because its not just me and my room its a school wide issue.
The kids are ALL high needs. Not only in academics but emotionally as well. So not only do I have to be responsible to teach them but also be mom too. Which I don't mind I just wish administration would lay off. They expect us to be doing Readers Workshop yet we have had about 4 hours of training it it. Um, no! I feel like telling them, "Get over yourself and the shit your telling the people at the district. We're not doing RW since we haven't been trained it it!" But no, I don't and they have no idea I feel this way. Its just easier to agree and do what I can. So that's what I'll keep doin!!

Ants!!!

I freaking HATE ants! For some reason they are every where around me! At home I spray all the time and they never go away. Little tiny black dots dead on my kitchen floor. Yes, dead but still annoying and dirty! Ugh. Then today at school they were all over my book baskets. Kids take home books and one of them must have eaten around it cause the basket was covered. Ugh! Gross.

And I am hungry. I don't think I've eaten enough points today. I have a headache. My dogs are hungry too but oh wait... there was ANTS in their food so they can't eat till DH gets home with new food! So I'll sit here and listen to them whine! I'm in a bitchy mood today. Must go eat something.

Aw!

Tired! I could not fall asleep for the life of me last night. So now I am so super tired and crabby. Wishing AF would leave faster so cycle # 8 can get started!

We went to eat a MIL house tonight. I have no idea how many points I ate! But I was good all day so I am sure I am fine. While there SIL told me I could be in the room when she has her baby! Aw! I thought that was so sweet of her. I asked her if she had any belly yet and she showed me. Its a tiny lil' thing but its there! So happy for them. Its going to be interesting to see how things are handled by everyone! I skipped out on walking tonight and now I feel like a bum. :(

Ha! I have a blog!

I thought this would be the perfect outlet for all that life has in store for me! But please don't expect anything too exciting! I'm kinda boring!

Here is a little background information on me. I am 26 years old.
I have been married to a wonderful man for almost 2 years now. (He is currenlty making fun of my blogging right now!) We have been TTC for 7 months and are still patiently waiting our BFP. I just joined weight watchers to loose my happy weight. I got married and became comfortable and now I am not so comfortable in my jeans! I am a teacher of an outstanding group of 1st graders who keep me laughing (almost) everyday! I love my job for the most part. The administration gets a little pushy sometimes which I'm sure you'll read about in here! I have two furry babies name Lola & Tyson! Thats about it.